好玩爆笑英语笑话

　　他什么都没听到的确实让人很开心，你也来看看吧。

　　保证没走错To be on the Safe Side

　　In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer.

　　在一家电影院里，一名观众在演出期间站了起来，沿着他那排位子走到休息室去了。

　　A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:

　　几分钟后，他回到那排位子并问坐在首位的那位男士道：

　　"Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?"

　　“对不起，请问我刚才出去的时候是踩着你的脚吗?”

　　"Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all."

　　“是的，不过没什么关系，一点也不疼。”

　　"Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row."

　　“噢，不，我不是这个意思。我只是想确认一下这是不是我的那排位子。”

　　传教士买鹦鹉A preacher is buying a parrot

　　A preacher is buying a parrot.

　　一个传教士在买鹦鹉。

　　"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

　　“你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗?”传教士问。

　　"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

　　“噢，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”店主向他保证。

　　"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

　　“你看见它腿上的那些细绳了吗?当你拉动右边这根，它会背诵天主经;当你拉动左边那根，它会背诵赞美诗。”

　　"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

　　“太棒了!”传教士说，“但是如果我同时拉动两根绳子，会发生什么呢?”

　　"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

　　“我会从树干上掉下去，你这个笨蛋!”鹦鹉尖声说道。

　　谁才是有色人种

　　Dear white, something you got to know

　　亲爱的'白种人，有几件事你必须知道。

　　When I was born, I was black.

　　当我出生时，我是黑色的

　　When I grow up, I am black.

　　我长大了，我是黑色的

　　When I’m under the sun, I’m black.

　　我在阳光下，我是黑色的

　　When I’m cold, I’m black.

　　我寒冷时，我是黑色的

　　When I’m afraid, I’m black.

　　我害怕时，我是黑色的

　　When I’m sick, I’m black.

　　我生病了，我是黑色的

　　When I die, I’m still black.

　　当我死了，我仍是黑色的。

　　you—white people,

　　你——白种人

　　When you were born, you were pink.

　　当你出生时，你是粉红色的

　　When you grow up, you become white.

　　你长大了，变成白色的

　　You’re red under the sun.

　　你在阳光下，你是红色的

　　You’re blue when you’re cold.

　　你寒冷时，你是青色的

　　You are yellow when you’re afraid.

　　你害怕时，你是黄色的

　　You’re green when you’re sick.

　　你生病时，你是绿色的

　　You’re gray when you die.

　　当你死时，你是灰色的

　　And you, call me color?

　　然后，你叫我“有色种人”?

　　他什么都没听到

　　Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

　　我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗?”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西?”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。