令人喷饭的英语笑话精选

　　导语：生活是个大染缸，有悲苦有欢乐，大家都厌恶悲痛而亲近欢乐，接下来小编就为大家整理了令人喷饭的精选，希望能为大家带来一丝欢乐。

　　令人喷饭的英语笑话精选

　　1 The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell. So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?" George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"

　　典狱长对狱中一位囚犯深感同情，因为每逢周末的探访日，大多数囚犯都有家人或朋友来访，但是可怜的乔治总是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。 因此在一个探访日，典狱长把乔治叫到办公室说：“乔治，我注意到从来没有人来探望过你。”他满怀同情地把手放在乔治的肩膀上：“告诉我，你没有任何朋友或家人吗?” 乔治回答：“喔!当然有，典狱长，只不过他们全都在这里面!”

　　2 Plagiarism

　　A friend of mine who teachs European history at Washington University in St.Louis tell about the time he spotted a plagiarized term paper.He summoned the student to his office."This isn't your work." he said."Someone typed it for you straight out of the encyclopedia.

　　"You cann't prove that!" the student sputtered.

　　My friend amiled and show him the paper.Circled in red was:"Also see article on communism."

　　抄 袭

　　我有个朋友在圣路易斯的华盛顿大学教欧洲历史,他说有一次他发现了一篇抄袭的学期论文.他把那个学生叫到了办公室.“这不是你写的,”他说,“有人帮你从百科全书上原封不动地打印了下来.”

　　“你没有证据.”那学生气急败坏地说.

　　我朋友笑了,他把论文拿给他看.用红笔圈出来的是：“也可参阅共产主义一文.”

　　3 Virtue

　　Many years after receiving my graduate degree,I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member.One day in a crowded elevator,someone remarked on its inefficiency.I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.

　　When the door finally opened,I felt a compassionate pat on my back,and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me."You'll get that degree,dear," she whispered."Perseverance is a virtue."

　　美 德

　　获取研究生学位多年以后,我回到位于宾翰顿的`纽约州立大学当教员.一天,电梯里很拥挤,有人抱怨电梯效率太低.我说自我在那里当学生起,20年来电梯一直没有换过.

　　最后当电梯门打开时,我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下,回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑.“你会拿到学位的,亲爱的,”她低声说道：“坚持不懈是一种美德.”

　　4 Mr.Clark,I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his

　　patient."You only have six months to live."

　　The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes.

　　"I can't possibly pay you in that time."

　　"Okay," the doctor said,"let's make it nine months."

　　九个月吧

　　“克拉克先生,有个坏消息,你只有六个月可活了.”医生告诉他的病人.

　　病人惊呆了.“六个月我不可能付清医疗费.”

　　“好吧,”医生说,“那就九个月吧.”

　　5 Difference

　　"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles."When I say,'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond,'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down."

　　区 别

　　“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来,”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说.“我说‘下午好’,本科生们回答说‘下午好’.研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上.”

　　6 Boxing and Running Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box." Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."

　　拳击和赛跑

　　丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。” 朋友：“如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办?” 丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”