英式幽默英语笑话汇集
Imitation 模仿 A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it. Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache. That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it. 一个男孩放学回家时，觉得肚子痛。来，坐下，吃点点心，妈妈说，你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。 一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，说是头痛。 你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的，他那聪明的儿子说，里面装点东西，就会好的。 Fried chicken In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?" Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir." 老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。然后他问其中一名学生，“杰克，你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?” 杰克想了想，回答，“炸鸡，老师。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " 我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的`，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么?” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。” 圣诞老人的真实职业 Santa's True Profession Do You Know Santa's True Profession? Consider the following:1. You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants."
2. Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.
3. Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the work.
4. Santa doesn't work a 40-hour week.
5. Santa travels a lot. Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure! 圣诞老人的真实职业是什么? 考虑以下几点
1. 你其实从来没见过圣诞老人，你看见的都是他得助手(他得助手真的好多，除了过圣诞节的所有父母外，还有职业“圣诞老人”)
2. 圣诞老人不想退休，就可以一直当他的圣诞老人。
3. 圣诞老人不会做实事，他都是指挥一堆帮手帮他做完所有的事情，但是事情做得好还是不好，功绩和责任都算圣诞老人的。
4. 圣诞老人实行的可不是朝九晚五双休制。
5. 圣诞老人经常旅行 圣诞老人显然是一个高级职员(please, 这世界上还有比他的工作更好的工作吗?) I Have His Ear in My Pocket I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事?” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” the woman who loves you most? One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.' My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here?' 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。” 我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了?”