爆冷幽默英语笑话

　　我还以为那是我的手

　　Absent-minded Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket? Absent-minded Professor: Yes, but I thought it was mine.

　　教授：天哪!有人偷了我的钱包! 妻子：你难道没感觉到一只手伸进你的口袋? 教授：感觉到了，可我还以为那是我的手呢?

　　他死了

　　If you refuse to marry me, he swore, I shall die. She refused him. Sixty years later, he died.

　　如果你不答应嫁给我，他发誓，我就要去死。六十年后，他死了。

　　帮我爸爸做我的'家庭作业

　　Jimmy: Hey, Amy, aren't you coming out to play? Amy: No, I have to stay in and help my father with my homework.

　　基米：嘿，艾米，你不出来玩吗?艾米：不了，我必须留在家里，帮我爸爸做我的家庭作业。

　　有其父必有其子

　　Once a boy's grandfather beat his grandson for playing with fire in the courtyard.

　　The boy's father saw this and he got worried about his son. So he took a stick and began beating himself. The grandfather was surprised and asked: "Why are you beating yourself?"

　　"You are beating my son and I'm beating your son." The boy's father answered.

　　一个小孩因为玩火被爷爷打了一顿。

　　孩子的父亲看到后很心疼自己的儿子。因此，他拿起一根棍子开始打自己。孩子的爷爷见到后很不理解，便问道：“你为什么打你自己呢?”

　　孩子的父亲说：“因为你打了我儿子。所以我也要打你儿子。”

　　神奇的高尔夫球

　　A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"

　　The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"

　　"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!"

　　"you can never lose it"，scoffs the golfer, "What if you hit it into the water?

　　"No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."

　　"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"

　　"Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."

　　"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"

　　"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!"

　　The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?"

　　"I found it."

　　一个高尔夫球手正要发球，跑上来一个无限谄媚的小个子推销员，喊到：“ 等一下。在您发球前，我请您看一样超神奇的东西。”

　　高尔夫球手颇感被打搅，说道：“什么东西啊?”

　　“是一个很特别的高尔夫球 - 一个永远不会被弄丢的球!”

　　“永远不会丢的球”，高尔夫球手嘲讽地说，“如果球被打到水里呢?”

　　“没问题。它能漂起来，还能探测到哪里是岸，然后自己就能转到岸边。”

　　“那么如果掉到树丛里呢?”

　　“简单。它能发出嘟嘟声，这样你就能循声而至了。”

　　“那如果天黑了怎么找它呢?”

　　“球会在黑暗中发光啊!一句话，你永远不会找不到这个球。”

　　高尔夫球手当即买下这个球，随口问了一句：“你从哪搞到它的?”

　　“是我捡到的啦!”