英语笑话的英文

　　训练记住诗人的名字，笑破你肚子哦。

　　Keep feeding him nickels

　　A mother saw her three-year-old son put nickel in his mouth and swallowed it. She immediately picked hime up, turned him upside down and hit him on the back, whereupon he coughed up two dimes. Frantically, she called to the father outside. "Your son just swallowed a nickel and coughed up two dimes!What shall I do? "Yelled back the father,"Keep feeding him nickels!"

　　母亲见三岁的儿子将一枚五分镍币放进嘴里吞了下去，她立刻将他抱起，头朝下不停地拍打他的后背，他咳出了两枚一角的硬币，她发狂似的朝正在外面的孩子父亲喊道： “你儿子刚才吞下了一枚五分镍币，可咳出两枚一角的硬币!我该怎么办呢?”孩子他爸大声回答道：“再喂他几枚镍币!”

　　汪汪叫的妻子

　　A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor. “When I was first married，I was very happy. I'd come home from a hard day down at the shop，and my little dog would race around barking，and my wife would bring me my slippers.Now everything's changed.When I come home，my dog brings me my slippers，and my wife barks at me.” “I don't know what you're complaining about，”said the counselor.“You're still getting the same service.”

　　一个结婚十年的男人正在请教一位婚姻顾问。“刚结婚那会儿，我非常幸福。我在店里劳累一天回到家，我的小狗会绕着我跑，汪汪叫，而我的妻子给我拿来拖鞋。现在一切都变了。我回到家里，我的狗给我拿来拖鞋，我的'妻子对着我汪汪叫。” “我不知道你在抱怨什么，”婚姻顾问说。“你得到的服务还是一样的呀。”

　　训练记住诗人的名字

　　The Name of a PoetOur teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today. “It works like this，” she said.“Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poet—Robert Burns，for instance.”She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns.“Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman，a bobby in flames.See?Bobby Burns!” “I see what you mean，” said the class know it all.“But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning?”

　　我们的老师正在给我们介绍现在某些学校使用的一种新的记忆训练系统。“这个系统是这样的，”她说。“假定你要记住一个诗人的名字——例如，要记住罗伯特彭斯的名字。”她告诉我们把他当作博比彭斯。“让你的脑海里闪现出一个伦敦警察的形象，燃烧着的警察。明白吗?警察燃烧!” “我明白你的意思，”班上的万事通说。“但是你怎么能说那就不是罗伯特布朗宁呢?”

　　大手

　　Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?Student: Big hands.

　　老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么?学生：大手。

　　An Exact Number

　　A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur bones lying about.

　　"How old are these bones?" the tourist asked an elderly Native American, who served as a guide.

　　"Exactly one hundred million and three years old.

　　"How can you be so sure?" inquired the tourist.

　　"Well," replied the guide, " a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.

　　一位游客在新墨西哥游览。他对随处可见的恐龙化石甚感惊奇。

　　“这些化石有多长的历史?”游客问一个上了年纪的当地美国人。他是作向导的。

　　“整整十亿零三年了。” “你怎么这么肯定?”游客问道。 “哦，”向导回答道，“一个地质学家来过这儿，他告诉我说这些化石有十亿年了，再加上那是整整三年前的事了。”