最搞笑的英语短篇小笑话

　　一切都正常

　　A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, Mom, the toast is burned.

　　You talked! You talked! Shouted his mother. I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?

　　Well, up till now, Said the boy, things have been okay.

　　一对年轻夫妇有个儿子，已经四岁了，还没有开口说话，他们对此深感焦虑。他们带他去找专家诊治，但医生们总觉得他没有毛病。后来有一天早上吃早餐时，那孩子突然开口了：妈妈，面包烤焦了。

　　你说话了!你说话了!他母亲叫了起来。我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时间呢?

　　哦，在这之前，那男孩说，一切都很正常。

　　不会犯两次同样的错误

　　Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?

　　Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

　　男孩：嗨，我们之前是不是约会过，是一次还是两次，我忘记了。

　　女孩：应该只有一次吧，我从不犯两次同样的错误。

　　Now I have two skunks in there

　　"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"

　　"Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open."

　　Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher.

　　"No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"

　　“我们的'地下室里有一只臭鼬，”打电话的人对警察调度员尖叫道。“我们怎样才能把它弄出来?”

　　“弄一些面包屑，”调度员说;“从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。然后将地下室的门打开。”

　　一段时间后，那人又打电话打了回来。“你们将它弄出来了吗?”调度员问他。

　　“没有，”打电话的人答道，“现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。”

　　唯有我是司机

　　A short young man was running behind a bus which was full of passengers. But the bus still ran at a great speed.

　　"Stop, stop, " a passenger looked out of the window, and shouted at the young man, "you can't catch it ! "

　　"I must," the young fellow said, out of breath, "because I'm only driver of the bus.

　　在一辆满载乘客的公共汽车后面，一位小个子青年在奔跑着。气车仍在高速前进。 “停下吧，”一位乘客把头伸出窗子，对小个子喊道，“你追不上的!”

　　“我必须追上，”小个子气喘吁吁地说，“我是司机!”

　　Akimbo (叉腰)

　　Just like most of other kids, aged two Emilia didn' t like washing hands──she' s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. One day I accompanied her to have fried cicadae(蝉). Habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. I held back (阻挡) her from doing it: " What do you want to do?" She was immediately on to (意识)her blame, replied at ease(从容): " I' m akimbo."

　　像大多数别的小孩一样，两岁艾咪丽雅不爱洗手，吃东西弄脏手，随便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了，她手上的油多了，便习惯地往真丝小褂子上蹭，我阻止道：“你想干什么?”她马上意识到问题所在，从容答道：“我叉腰。”

　　借公牛一用

　　Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.

　　One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.

　　After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, "OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I'll go myself shortly.

　　从前，有个人很富有，但他不识字。

　　一天，他的一位朋友想向他借一头公牛，便写了个条，让仆人送到富人那里。 仆人把条子给了富人。富人便假装看了一会儿，然后说道：“好啦，我知道了。回去告诉你的主人，我马上自己过去。”