Calming your son 让你儿子静下来

　　一、Calming your son 让你儿子静下来

　　In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, "Don't get excited, Albert; don't scream, Albert; don't yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert."

　　一个人在超市里推着购物车，一个小孩子在车里不停的大吵大叫。推车的男人一直温柔地念叨着：”别激动，阿尔伯特，别嚷出来，阿尔伯特，别叫，阿尔伯特，冷静，阿尔伯特。"

　　A woman standing next to him said, "You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert."

　　站在他旁边的一位女士对他说道：“您能这样安慰您的儿子阿尔伯特真的让我们感到很不容易。”

　　The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm Albert."

　　男人看着那位女士说：“太太，我是阿尔伯特。

　　二、Guaranteed visits 有保证的探望

　　An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales.

　　布鲁克林的一位年迈的妇女决定准备自己的遗嘱，提出最后的要求。她告诉自己的.犹太教士说她有两个临终前的要求。第一，她要火化;第二，她要把骨灰撒到布鲁明黛。

　　"Bloomingdales!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?"

　　“布鲁明黛!”教士叫道，“为什么在布鲁明黛?”

　　"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

　　“那样的话我女儿肯定一周会探望我两次。”

　　Note: 布鲁明黛(Bloomingdale's)是一家连锁百货公司，与梅西百货同属联邦百货公司旗下。布鲁明黛在美国有超过36家分店。

　　三、Hard of hearing 身患重听

　　Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.

　　有三个退休的老人，都患有重听。三月里风和日丽的一天，他们在一起散步。

　　One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?"

　　其中一个人对另一个人说：“这天儿风有点儿大，是吧?”

　　"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."

　　“不是，”第二个人回答道，“今天是星期四。”

　　And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."

　　第三个人插话进来说：“我也是，去买瓶可乐吧。”