英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子简短的女

　　一些英语典故可是很多老美都耳熟 ，下次换你去取笑老美的时候，就可以用到YJBYS小编为您整理的英语了。

　　I am acting like a lady 我要表现得像一位女士

　　One day women's dresses were on sale at a department store. A dignified middle-aged man decided to pick a dress for his wife, but soon he found himself being battered by frantic women.

　　一天，一家百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给他的太太挑选一件女装。但是，没过多久，他就发现自己已被疯狂的女人们撞得踉踉跄跄。

　　He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowd.

　　他竭力地忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥舞双臂，挤过人群。

　　"You there!" challenged a thrilling voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

　　“你干嘛?”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得像一位绅士吗?”

　　"Listen," he said. "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

　　“听着，”他说。“我已经像绅士一样表现了一个小时了。从现在起，我要表现得像一位女士。”

　　我丈夫刚进来

　　The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table，their waiter suddenly rushed over.

　　在饭馆里坐着一对夫妇，他们看上去非常高兴。但是当那女子向旁边瞥了一眼时，服务员马上跑了过来。

　　“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”

　　“夫人，您瞧,” 他说,“您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了。”

　　“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”

　　“不，他没有,” 她回答,“我丈夫刚从门外进来。”

　　有两条裤子

　　A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”

　　丈夫下班回到家里，发现自己的新娘心绪烦乱。“我心里太难受了，”她说。“我在给你熨西装时把裤子的臀部烧了个大洞。”

　　“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”

　　“没事儿，”丈夫安慰她说。“你忘了我这套衣服有两条裤子。”

　　“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”

　　“是的，”妻子高兴地说，“幸亏你还有一条，我后来就用它来补了这个洞了。”

　　死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭

　　Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of

　　those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.

　　妻子：你瞧，根据这报上登的'统计数字，那些死于肝癌的人有80%都喝酒。

　　Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat

　　meals.

　　丈夫：那就不错了。据我调查，所有这些人都吃饭呢。

　　我是单身汉

　　Jack fell off his bicycle and got hurt.A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back.

　　杰克骑车摔伤，去医院治疗。一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填。 杰克填好后递上表格。

　　"Anything else?"The nurse asked. "Yes," Jack thinks for a while and said "l'm a bachelor."

　　“还有什么漏填的?”护士问。“有!”杰克想了想说，“我是个单身汉。”

　　狗住旅店

　　A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

　　有个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”

　　An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

　　旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。