英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子的笑话

　　Farmer Jones picked a big red apple and handed it to the boy saying, "Watch out for worms.""When I eat apples," replied the boy, "the worms have to watch out for themselves.更多尽在应届毕业生笑话网。

 

　　Essay

　　Teacher had set his class an essay in "A Game of Cricket". After two minutes Simon Steel handed his paper in and was allowed to go home. His essay read: "Rain stopped play."

　

　Charming Ending

　　Young Lady: " Your novel has a charming ending."

　　Author: " What do you think of the opening chapters?"

　　Young Lady: " I have not got to them yet!"

 

　　"Pull over" or "pull-over"

　　A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Coming up beside her, he said, "Pull over!"

　　"No," she replied, "a pair of socks!"

　　The plural form of "child"

　　Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?

　　Tom: Men.

　　Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

　　Tom: Twins.

 

　　Watch out for themselves

　　Farmer Jones picked a big red apple and handed it to the boy saying, "Watch out for worms."

　　"When I eat apples," replied the boy, "the worms have to watch out for themselves.

 

　　Not a dancer

　　A lady went to a pet shop to buy a parakeet. She asked the clerk for a bird that could sing. The man sold her a parakeet, and she took it home. There, she examined the bird and found out it had a broken leg. She returned to the store with the......

 

　　One hundred percent

　　Patient: Doctor, please tell me the truth. What are my chances of recovery?

　　Doctor: Just one hundred percent! Statistics show that only nine out of ten die of the disease. Now nine of my patients have already died of it. You are the tenth!

 

　　A second language

　　A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.

　　Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language."

 

　　Catch a cold

　　During the fight, the boxer swiped the air furiously, but could not hit his opponent.

　　"How am I doing?" he asked the coach at the end of the round.

　　"Well, if you keep this up," replied the coach, "he might feel the wind and catch a cold."

 

　　Much happier

　　Captain: Are you happy now that you are in the Navy?

　　Able Seaman Jack: Yes, sir.

　　Captain: What were you before you came into the Navy?

　　Able Seaman Jack: Much happier.