经典英语笑话大全带翻译笑破你的肚子痛

　　从前有个瞎子正在行路时踩着了一只正在睡觉的狗的脑袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一阵。这人又往前走，这回踩着的是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起来。瞎子以为还是那条狗，惊诧地说：奇怪，这只狗可真够长的。想了解更多的，请跟小编来应届毕业生笑话网吧。

　　拳击和赛跑

　　Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box." Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."

　　丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。”朋友：“如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办?”丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”

　　神父，他有AIDS

　　One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.有个女孩向神父告解她所犯的罪...Girl: Father, I have sinned.女孩：神父，我有罪。Preacher: What did you do, little girl?神父：孩子，你犯了什么罪呢?Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a "son of a Bitch."女孩：昨天，我骂了某个男人一句：“你这个狗娘养的。”Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?神父：为什么?他对你做了什么吗?Girl: He touched my breast.女孩：他...他摸我的胸部。Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)神父：你是说像这样子吗?(神父伸手摸女孩的胸部)Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.女孩：(因为神父的举动而有一些害羞)嗯...是的。Preacher: That s no reason to call him that.神父：只是这样子的话你没有理由骂他。Girl: But he also took off my cloth.女孩：但是...他又把我的衣服脱掉。Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)神父：你是说像这样子吗?(神父动手脱掉女孩的衣服)Girl: Yes, that s what he did.女孩：是的，是这样子没错。Preacher: That s still no reason to call him that.神父：可是这样子你还是没有理由骂他。Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...女孩：然後...他把他的...那个...放到我的...那个...里面...Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)神父：(奸笑貌)你是说像这样子吗?(神父和女孩就那个那个了)

　　Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that s what he did...女孩：(数分钟後)喔...是的...就是这样子...Preacher: My dear girl, that s still no reason to call him a...神父：我亲爱的孩子，就算是这样你还是没有理由骂他「你这个...」Girl: But he had AIDS!!女孩：但是他有AIDS呀!Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!神父：那个狗娘养的!!!

　　我没有看到另外一块

　　Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other.

　　妈妈：约翰尼，我今天早上在橱子里放了两块点心。现在就剩下一块了。你能解释一下吗?约翰尼：嗯，我想是因为里面太黑我没看到另外那块。

　　魔鬼的妹夫

　　A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

　　一位妇人发现丈夫回家的时候总是烂醉如泥，她决定为丈夫治好这个毛病。一个万圣节夜里，她穿上一套魔鬼戏服，躲在树后，准备在丈夫返家时拦截他的'去路。

　　When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

　　当丈夫走近时，她从树后跳出来，站到他面前，头上带着红色的羊角、身后有长长的尾巴，手中握着钢叉。

　　"Who are you?" he asked.

　　“你是谁?”丈夫问到。

　　"I'm the Devil!" she responded.

　　“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。

　　"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"

　　“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫说，“我娶了你的姐妹!”

　　瞎子的判断

　　Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he

　　stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It's a wonder that the dog is so long.

　　从前有个瞎子。一天，他正在行路时踩着了一只正在睡觉的狗的脑袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一阵。这人又往前走，这回踩着的是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起来。瞎子以为还是那条狗，惊诧地说：奇怪，这只狗可真够长的。

　　always thirsty 总感到口渴

　　"i had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。”

　　"that's terrible!" said the friend. "got any pain?"

　　“真是太糟糕了!”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗?”

　　"no, but i am always thirsty!"

　　“不疼，可是我总感到口渴!”