简单的英语笑话集锦

　　总是有些时候莫名其妙的不开心，心情不佳的时候就会办什么都不在状态，你会这样么?这里小编收集整理了简单的集锦，让你的心情速速好起来。

　　简单的英语笑话【

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1】

　　Gone to the Dogs

　　There was this man that had a dog. He came home one day, and his dog was belly up with its legs sticking in the air.

　　He wasn't sure if it was dead or not, so he took it to the vet. He told the vet of his problem, and the vet said that there was a sure-fire way to see if the dog is indeed dead.

　　He left the room and returned with a cat. He rubbed the cat in the dogs face, and after a while came to the conclusion that the dog was indeed dead.

　　The man was upset and asked the doctor how much he owed him. The doctor said, "$550" The man was stunned. He asked the doctor to explain and the doctor said, "Fifty for the visit, and 500 for the cat-scan..."

　　简单的英语笑话【

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2】

　　Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!"

　　Jerry去看精神病医生。“医生，我有些不对劲。每次我上床睡觉的时候，我就觉得有人在我床底下。我都快疯了!”

　　"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

　　“给我一年时间，”医生说，“每周来三次，我会治好你。”

　　"How much do you charge?"

　　“怎么收费呢?”

　　"A hundred dollars per visit."

　　“一次100美元。”

　　"I'll sleep on it," said Jerry.

　　“我会认真考虑的。”，Jerry 答道。

　　Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

　　六个月以后，医生在大街上碰到Jerry。“你怎么没有再来呢?”精神病医生问道。

　　"For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10."

　　“一次一百块钱吗?有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”

　　"Is that so! How?"

　　“真的?他怎么做到的?”

　　"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!!!"

　　“他要我把床脚砍了!这样不就没有人在床下了吗?”

　　简单的英语笑话【

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3】

　　The Christian Horse

　　There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house andcollapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"

　　The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."

　　Not paying much attetion, the man says, "Sure, ok."

　　So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God" and the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop.

　　"Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!"

　　Finally he remembers, "Amen!!"

　　The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says, "Thank God."

　　简单的英语笑话【

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4】

　　The Author's Son

　　The kind bishop1 intimately asked an author's son, "Do you want to become an author like your father?"

　　"No," replied the author's son.

　　"Then what is your ambition, my little man?" said the bishop.

　　"I want to become a famous person, then anything I write will be printed," frankly2 replied the hopeful little boy, wise beyond his age.

　　作家的儿子

　　和蔼友善的主教亲切地问一位作家的儿子：“你想成为一个像你父亲一样的作家吗?”

　　作家的儿子回答说：“不想。”

　　主教说：“那你有什么志向呀，小家伙!”

　　这个早慧的对未来充满希望的男孩坦率地回答说：“我要成为一个有名的人，那时无论我写什么，都会被刊载和出版。”