经典幽默英语笑话

　　笑话来源于生活，却又可以让我们的生多些欢乐、开心，现在，一起来开心爆笑下。

　　经典幽默一：

　　I Have His Ear in My Pocket

　　Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

　　"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

　　"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

　　"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

　　他的耳朵在我衣兜里

　　伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事?”

　　“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

　　“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

　　“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

　　经典幽默英语笑话二：

　　How to be like a gentleman

　　Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

　　The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."

　　"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"

　　"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.

　　"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".

　　迪克年龄七岁，他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天，妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩，自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。

　　孩子们玩了个把小时，在四点半的时候，姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说：“喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块蛋糕一切为二，给你妹妹一块。不过，你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。”

　　迪克问：“像一个绅士?绅士怎样做呢?”

　　他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。”

　　迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会，然后，他把蛋糕拿给妹妹，并对她说：“凯瑟琳，你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。”

　　经典幽默英语笑话三：Ghange of Plan

　　Frank and Fred had received their draft notices on the same day, and neither wanted to enter the army.

　　But Frank had heard that the army would nct accept anyone without teeth, so they both had all their teeth pulled.

　　On the day of their medical exam, Frank and Fred got in line, but a huge, hairy, smelly truck driver cut in between them.

　　As Frank got up to the head of the line, he announced to the inspecting sergeant that he had no teeth.

　　The sergeant had Frank open his mouth, ran his forefinger over the raw gums and said,

　　"Sure endugh, you don’t. You’re rejected. "

　　Turning to the truck driver, he asked, 'What's your problem?"

　　The trucker said, "I've got a tremendous case of the piles. "

　　The sergeant had the fellow bend over, inserted his fore finger and rotated it around thoroughly,

　　"Sure enough, you've got a bad case. Rejected!"

　　Turning to Fred, the sergeant demanded, "And what's your problem?"

　　Staring at the forefinger, Fred replied, "Nothing at all, sergeant, nothing at all. "

　　临时改变主意

　　法兰克和佛烈德两人同一天收到召集令，两人都不想去服兵役。

　　但法兰克曾经听人说军中不收没有牙齿的人，因此他们两人都把所有的牙齿给拔掉了。

　　在体格检查那天，他们两人排在同一排队伍，可是有一个大块头、满身毛发而且臭味难当的卡车司机插在他们中间。

　　当法兰克排到队伍的前头时，他对检查的班长说他没有牙齿，

　　那名士官要他张开嘴巴，接着用食指在他红肿的'牙龈绕了一圈后说道：

　　“没错，你没牙齿，不用当兵!”

　　接着轮到卡车司机，士官说：“你有什么问题吗?”

　　卡车司机说道：“我患有严重的痔疮。”

　　班长要那个家伙弯下身去，用他的食指在肛门转了一整圈后说道：

　　“没错，你的情形很严重，不合格!”

　　再来轮到佛烈德，班长又问：“那你的问题是什么?”

　　凝视着他的食指，佛烈德答道：“没什么问题，班长，我一点问题也没有。”

　　经典幽默英语笑话四：Five Months Older

　　The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

　　But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.

　　"How old are you?" he said.

　　"Eighteen, sir," said John.

　　"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

　　"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

　　大五个月

　　第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。

　　可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。

　　“你多大了?”军医问。

　　“十八，长官。”约翰说。

　　“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”

　　约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”