幽默风趣的英语小笑话

　　Improvement

　　One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"

　　"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."

　　一位学生对另一位说：“你的英语最近学的怎么样?”“很好，我过去不懂英国人说话，可现在是英国人不懂我的话了。”

　　现在几点了

　　The two boys were camping in the backyard. When they couldn't figure out what time it was, the first boy said to the second, "Start singing very loud."

　　"How will that help?" said the second boy.

　　"Just do it," insisted the first.

　　Both boys broke into song, singing at the top of their lungs. Moments later, a neighbor threw open her window and shouted, "Keep it down! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning?"

　　两个男孩子在后院露营，他们不知道到了晚上几点钟。于是，一个男孩对另外一个说：“我们开始大声唱歌就行了。”

　　“那就会知道时间吗?”第二个男孩问。

　　“只管唱吧。”第一个坚持道。

　　两个孩子开始大声唱歌，过了一会儿，一个邻居打开窗户喊道：“小声点!你们不知道现在是凌晨三点吗?”

　　Reason of Punishment 惩罚的原因

　　One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.

　　The mother exclaimed, But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?

　　The little girl replied, My homework.

　　一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。

　　妈妈激动地说：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么?

　　小女孩回答说：我的家庭作业。

　　我需要器官移植

　　The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . ." "What makes you think you need all these?" Well, replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized."

　　这个病人显得很坚决。“医生，我需要做肝脏移植、肾脏移植、心脏移植、角膜移植、脾脏移植、胰腺移植和……” “你为什么认为你需要做这么多移植手术?”病人回答：“哦，是这样，我的老板说如果我这个人不重新组装的话，就别想保住我的工作!”

　　我不是这个意思

　　In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer.

　　A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row: "Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?"

　　"Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all."

　　"Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row."

　　在一家电影院里，一名观众在演出期间站了起来，沿着他那排位子走到休息室去了。

　　几分钟后，他回到那排位子并问坐在首位的'那位男士道：“对不起，请问我刚才出去的时候是踩着你的脚吗?”

　　“是的，不过没什么关系，一点也不疼。”

　　“噢，不，我不是这个意思。我只是想确认一下这是不是我的那排位子。”

　　让座

　　Little Johnny says Mom: "when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

　　"Well, you've done the right thing." says Mommy.

　　"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

　　小约翰告诉妈妈：”早上我和爸爸坐公车时，他让我给一位女士让座。“

　　”好，你做得对。“妈妈说。

　　”但是，妈妈，我那时正坐在爸爸的大腿上。“