爆笑英语笑话大全集锦

　　用过英文跟人家讲笑话吗?如果每用过的话，下面YJBYS小编就给您献上几段英文，让你可以在朋友间用英文发挥出你的幽默。

　　圣诞老人的爱好

　　What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?

　　Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

　　圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么?

　　答案：锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意，ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。

　　它们是从美国直接带来的

　　Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

　　At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

　　一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

　　这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

　　他真是一个大人物

　　He is really somebody

　　My uncle has 1000 men under him.

　　He is really somebody. What does he do?

　　A maintenance man in a cemetery.

　　我叔叔下面有1000个人。

　　他真是一个大人物。干什么的?

　　墓地守墓人。

　　请把胡子还给我

　　A man who sold brooms went into a barber’s shop to get shaved. The barber brought one of his brooms. After he had shaved him, he asked for the price of the brooms.

　　“Two pence,” said the man.

　　“No, no,” said the barber. “I will give you a penny, and if you don’t think that is enough, you may take your broom back!”

　　The man took it and asked what he had to pay his shave.

　　“A penny,” said the barber.

　　“I will give you a half penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again.”

　　一个卖扫帚的人去理发店修面。理发师从他那里买了一把扫帚。当理发师给他修面后，问一下他扫帚的价格。

　　买扫帚的人说：“两个便士。”

　　“不，不。”理发师说：“ 我只出一个便士，如果你认为不够的话，可以把扫帚拿回去。”

　　卖扫帚的人拿回了扫帚，随后问修面要付多少钱。

　　“一便士。”理发师说。

　　卖扫帚的人说：“我给你半个便士，如果不够的话，请把我的`胡子还给我。”

　　小女孩的愿望

　　On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.

　　在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。班上最小的女孩说，她希望舞蹈演员可以长得更高一点儿，那么他们就不用整天踮着脚尖了。

　　狗也知道这个谚语吗?

　　The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

　　"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

　　一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

　　“没有关系，”一位先生“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗?”

　　不是我的错

　　It's not my fault

　　Mother (reprimanding训斥，谴责 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.

　　Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.

　　不是我的错

　　妈妈(正教训她的女儿)：你不该拽猫的尾巴。

　　女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。

　　父亲在哪?

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

　　“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!”

　　“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”

　　哥哥想了一会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”