笑侃儿童英语笑话

　　下面应届毕业生小编准备的，保证你看完乐呵呵。

　　心不在焉的老师

　　An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.”

　　有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。 一个碰见他的学生说： “晚安，老师。您怎么了?” “啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”

　　谁才是有色人种

　　Dear white, something you got to know

　　亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须知道。

　　When I was born, I was black.

　　当我出生时，我是黑色的

　　When I grow up, I am black.

　　我长大了，我是黑色的

　　When I’m under the sun, I’m black.

　　我在阳光下，我是黑色的

　　When I’m cold, I’m black.

　　我寒冷时，我是黑色的

　　When I’m afraid, I’m black.

　　我害怕时，我是黑色的

　　When I’m sick, I’m black.

　　我生病了，我是黑色的

　　When I die, I’m still black.

　　当我死了，我仍是黑色的。

　　you—white people,

　　你——白种人

　　When you were born, you were pink.

　　当你出生时，你是粉红色的

　　When you grow up, you become white.

　　你长大了，变成白色的

　　You’re red under the sun.

　　你在阳光下，你是红色的

　　You’re blue when you’re cold.

　　你寒冷时，你是青色的

　　You are yellow when you’re afraid.

　　你害怕时，你是黄色的.

　　You’re green when you’re sick.

　　你生病时，你是绿色的

　　You’re gray when you die.

　　当你死时，你是灰色的

　　And you, call me color?

　　然后，你叫我“有色种人”?

　　上帝是不聋，可奶奶聋呀!

　　Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents'. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

　　His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

　　To which the younger one replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

　　两个小男孩在他们的祖父母家过夜。睡觉时间到了，这两个小男孩跪在床上祈祷。弟弟用非常大的声音祈祷着，“我祈求有一辆新自行车……我祈求有一个新游戏机……我祈求有一个新录像机……”

　　他的哥哥用胳膊肘轻轻地碰了他一下，说：“你为什么这么大声地喊叫呢?上帝又不是聋子。”

　　弟弟听了回答道：“上帝是不聋，可奶奶聋呀!”

　　Only One Eye to Settle On

　　The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"

　　"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.

　　姑娘找到媒人，说：“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前为什么不告诉我?” “怎么没告诉你?”媒人也不甘示弱，“你们第一回见面后，我就说，他一眼就看中你了。”

　　Goethe's ToleranceGoe

　　the was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, I'll never make way for a fool. But I will, with that Goethe retreated aside.

　　一次，歌德正在魏玛一个公园的一条狭窄小道上散步，碰巧他遇见一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。两人都停了下来，彼此相互对视。接着评论家说道：我从来不给傻瓜让路。 可我给，说完歌德退到了一边。

　　Good Sight

　　Lawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?Witness: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.

　　律师：你说你离事故现场约有35英尺，你能看清多远的东西?证人：这么说吧，早上起床后我看见太阳，别人告诉我这大约有9300万英里远。