非常幽默英语笑话

　　如果你没用过英文跟人家讲笑话，那接下来YJBYS小编就给您献上几段，让你可以在朋友间用英文发挥出你的幽默。

　　• A preacher is buying a parrot 传教士买鹦鹉

　　• A preacher is buying a parrot

　　• Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.

　　• Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.

　　• Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.

　　• Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?

　　• I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.

　　• 一个传教士在买鹦鹉

　　• “你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗?”传教士问。

　　• “哦，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”店主保证说。

　　• “你看见它腿上的这些细绳了吗?当你拉动右面的这根，它会背诵天主经，当你拉动左面的那根，它会背诵赞美诗”

　　• “太棒了!”传教士说，“但是如果我同时拉动两条绳子，会发生什么呢?”

　　“我会从树干上掉下去的，你这个笨蛋!”鹦鹉尖声说道。

　　• 我不敢想象

　　Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?" Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from." 客人：“为什么你的狗狗坐在那儿老是看着我吃东西呢?”旅馆主人：“我不敢想象，除非是因为你拿了它经常用来吃东西的盘子了。”

　　• 谁的儿子最伟大

　　• The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'."　　The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."

　　• "My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.

　　• " The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"

　　• 四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。”

　　• 第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。” “我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的'主教大人’。”

　　第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’!”

　　• 新生儿

　　• The New Baby Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child. Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too. One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，”said Mr.Taylor. Pat came into the room just then and said，“What are you talking about?”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，”his mother answered. “ It's no use，”said Pat hopelessly.“ He'll follow us there.”

　　泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩，名叫帕特。现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎。 帕特在别人家看见过婴儿，他不太喜欢他们，所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满。 一天晚上，泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排。泰勒先生说：“有了婴儿，我们的房子就太小，不够住了。” 帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋，他问：“你们在说什么?”他的母亲回答说：“我们在说我们现在得搬家，因为婴儿就要诞生了。” “那没用，”帕特绝望地说。“他会跟我们到那儿去的。”

　　• If I Am a Manager

　　• One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – if I Am a Manager.

　　• All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.

　　• “I am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer.

　　• 一天课上，老师要同学们以“如果我是一个经理”为题写一篇。

　　• 所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。

　　“我在等我的秘书”。那孩子答道。

　　• 狗也知道这个谚语吗?

　　• The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　• "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"