乐翻天英语笑话

　　Cry

　　"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

　　"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

　　"But has he finished his own cake?"

　　"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

　　“汤姆，你弟弟怎么了?” 妈妈在厨房里问。“他在哭。”

　　“没事儿，妈妈，”汤姆答道。“我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。”

　　“他已经吃完自己的了么?”

　　“是的。”“我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。”

　　可怜的男人

　　A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.

　　Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

　　The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

　　Bartender: "That should make you happy."

　　The man: "No, the month is up today!"

　　一个男人坐在酒吧里，伤心至极。

　　酒吧招待：“你怎么了?跟老婆闹矛盾了?”

　　男人：“我们吵了一架，她说一个月都不跟我说话。”

　　酒吧招待：“那你应该高兴才是啊!”

　　男人：“不，今天是这个月的最后一天。”

　　太黑了，看不见

　　After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV, "Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?" After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."

　　晚饭后，父亲和母亲都忙着和客人玩麻将，这时母亲忽然想起点儿事来，便对正在看电视的儿子说道：“宝贝，去看看厨房里的灯是不是还开着呢?” 过了一会儿，儿子回来说：“妈，厨房里太黑了，我根本就看不见。”

　　One real man　一个真正的男子汉

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(严格地，严厉地).

　　Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(劝告，建议) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

　　It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(胆小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.

　　Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.

　　　古代有一个国王，他想证明他领土内的男人并非像人们传说的那样，受到老婆的管制。他把王国里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告说，哪个男人胆敢不说实话，就会受到严厉的惩罚。

　　然后，他叫所有听从妻子的命令和意见的男人都走向大厅的左侧。所有的男人都站到了左侧，只有一个小个子男人站到了右侧。

　　国王说：看到我们国家里还有一个真正的男子汉，真是令人高兴。告诉这些胆小的笨蛋，为什么在他们当中只有你一个人站在大厅的右侧。

　　陛下，那人尖声地回答：因为在我出门之前，我老婆告诉我不要扎堆。

　　万能的圣诞老人并非啥都知道

　　As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

　　The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

　　一个女孩爬到圣诞老人的.膝盖上，圣诞老人例行公事的问：“今年圣诞节你想要什么呢?”

　　孩子瞪大眼睛惊讶的望着圣诞老人一分钟都没讲话，然后喘着气说到：“你没收到我的电子邮件吗?(我想要什么都写上面了，万能的圣诞老人咋能不知道捏)”

　　Psychiatrist 精神病医生

　　Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!

　　杰瑞去看精神病医生。“医生，我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的时候，我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了!”“给我一年时间，”医生说，“每周来三次，我会治好你。”“费用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我会认真考虑的。”杰瑞答道。六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“为什么你再也没来呢?”医生问。“一次一百块钱吗?有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他让我把床腿锯掉。现在那没人了!”