幽默精选极品英语笑话

　　一只死苍蝇

　　Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.

　　Waiter: Yes, sir, I know, it's the heat that kills it.

　　史密斯先生：服务员，我的汤里有一只死苍蝇。

　　服务员：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被烫死的。

　　轻率的插话

　　The fine-furniture store where I work has been in business since the 1920s. Recently I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chairs from a dining set purchased from us in the 1930s. I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager. "You'll never believe this one, " I told him." I just got a call from a customer who bought some chairs from us in the 1930s. " Before I could finish repeating her request, he interrupted and said, "Don't tell me she hasn't received them yet!"

　　我所工作的精品家具商店是从20世纪二十年代以来就营业的。最近我接到一个妇女的电话。她想换一套餐具中的一些椅子。这套餐具她是在三十年代从我们这儿买的`。我向她保证说我们可以帮她的忙，于是我向部门经理寻求帮助。“你永远也不会相信，”我对他说，“我刚接到一个顾客的电话，她在三十年代从我们这里买了一些椅子。” 我还没来得及说她的要求，经理就打断了我的话：“你别告诉我她到现在还没收到货!”

　　你有钱生活吗?

　　Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?

　　Girlfriend: It is sufficient for me, but how will you survive?

　　男朋友：你觉得我的薪水够你用吗?

　　女朋友：是的，够我用。但是，你有钱生活吗?

　　兄弟俩的对话 Where is the father?

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

　　“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!”

　　“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”

　　哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”

　　Five Months Older大五个月

　　The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

　　But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.

　　"How old are you?" he said.

　　"Eighteen, sir," said John.

　　"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

　　"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

　　第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。

　　可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。

　　“你多大了?”军医问。

　　“十八，长官。”约翰说。

　　“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”

　　约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”