简单的英语笑话 爆笑

　　简单的 爆笑：Anewguy

　　A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar: FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

　　Bartender: "Well, FIRST you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can`t make a face while doing it. SECOND, there`s a `gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. THIRD, there`s a woman up-stairs who`s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.

　　Man: Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won`t do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and the requirements get crazier from there.

　　Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where`s that woman with the sore tooth?"

　　简单的英语笑话 爆笑：Onlywhenhe’sdrunk!

　　A driver is stopped by a police officer. The driver asks, "What’s the problem officer?" Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone." Man: "No sir, I was going 65." Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gives his wife a dirty look.) Officer: "I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light." Man: "Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!" Wife: "Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks." (The man gives his wife another dirty look.) Officer: "I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt." Man: "Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car." Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt." The man turns to his wife and yells, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" The Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma’am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?" The wife says, "No, only when he’s drunk."

　　简单的英语笑话 爆笑：TheManDictionary

　　"IT’S A GUY THING"

　　Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected

　　with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

　　"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"

　　Translated: "Why isn’t it already on the table?"

　　"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"

　　Translated: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

　　"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"

　　Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

　　"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT’S JUST

　　THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."

　　Translated: "That girl standing on the

　　corner is a real babe."

　　"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD."

　　Translated: "I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

　　"THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR."

　　Translated: "Are you still talking?"

　　"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."

　　Translated: "I remember the theme song to ’F Troop’, the

　　address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle

　　identification numbers of every car I’ve ever

　　owned, but I forgot your birthday."

　　"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU,

　　AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."

　　Translated: "The girl selling them on the

　　corner was a real babe."

　　"OH, DON’T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF,

　　IT’S NO BIG DEAL."

　　Translated: "I have actually severed a limb,

　　but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt."

　　"I CAN’T FIND IT."

　　Translated: "It didn’t fall into my outstretched

　　hands, so I’m completely clueless."

　　"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"

　　Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

　　"I HEARD YOU."

　　Translated: "I haven’t the foggiest clue what

　　you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it

　　well enough so that you don’t spend the next three days yelling at me."

　　"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."

　　Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me,

　　and realize it could be worse."

　　"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."

　　Translated: "Oh, God, please don’t try on one

　　more outfit, I’m starving."

　　"I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."

　　Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."