让人开怀一笑的4个英语笑话

　　代课教师

　　A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, please stand up." Right away, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Why do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "I don’t, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

　　代课教师试图运用她的学知识。开始上课时，她说：“谁觉得自己很愚蠢，请站起来。”小约翰马上站起来了。老师问：“为什么你觉得你很愚蠢呢，小约翰?”“我不觉得我很蠢，只是我不愿意你一个人站在那!”

　　别着急

　　As students in the college of veterinary medicine at Texas A & M University, we frequently treated the farm animals at the state prison. While awkwardly performing a medical procedure on an unruly horse, a classmate said to the prisoner who was holding the animal, "Sorry I'm taking so long." "No problem," the prisoner replied, "I'm doing seven years.

　　我在德克萨斯A&M大学兽医药学系学习的时候，同学们经常把动物带到州监狱里去治疗。有一次我们笨手笨脚的'给一匹烈马做完检查，我同学对一直按着这匹马的犯人说：“真是不好意思，我用了这么长时间。”“没关系，”他回答说，“我已经作了七年这种事了。”

　　请假了

　　My personnel-management class consisted mainly of adult, working students. One night while discussing job enrichment, the teacher asked if any of us would be happy doing what we did that day for the rest of our lives. A student in the back raised his hand. Surprised, the teacher asked him, "What did you do today?" Smiling, he said, "I took off from work."

　　我曾参加过一个员工管理培训课程，我们班上基本上都是成年人和一些半工半读的学生。一天晚上我们在课上讨论工作丰富化的问题。我们的老师问我们当中有没有人愿意一辈子做今天所做的事情。坐在教室最后面的一个学生举起了手。老师觉得很惊奇，于是问那个学生，“你今天做什么来着?”，学生笑着回答，“我今天请假了”。

　　谁都没空

　　I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in the shed. She could see from the bedroom window. As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned the police, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available. I said ok, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've shot them all." Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an armed response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" I replied with "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

　　那天晚上，我刚要上床睡觉，妻子告诉我说我没有关储藏室的灯，她从卧室的窗户看见那还亮着。我也透过窗户朝那边看，发现有几个人正在偷东西。我赶忙报警，但是警察局说现在没有警察在我家的这片位置，他们一有了人手就马上派过来。我说没问题，然后挂了电话，等了一分钟，又给他们打过去：“警察局吗，一分钟以前我打过电话来，我告诉你说有人正在我家的储藏室偷东西。但是现在没事了，因为我刚刚开枪把他们都打死了。”随后，五分钟之内有六辆警车来到了我家，警报也响了。当然，他们当场抓住了窃贼。有个警察对我说：“我记得你说你把他们都打死了。”我回答道：“我记得你说现在谁都没空。”