精选爆笑英语笑话短篇

　　除了音乐All Except the Music

　　A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices. Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today?""Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."

　　一位热心的年轻教师想让她的学生多了解一点优秀的古典音乐，就安排了一天下午去听音乐会。为了使这次活动能给大家留下更深的印象，她请大家喝柠檬汽水、吃点心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回来上汽车的时候，她问小萨莉：“你今天玩得好吗?”“噢，好极了，小姐，” 萨莉说，“除了音乐其它都很好。”

　　迟到

　　My Sister's Fingers

　　Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?

　　Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.

　　Teacher: I don't see any bandages.

　　Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.

　　我妹妹的手指头老师：凯温，这次你怎么又迟到了?凯温：对不起，老师，我在家钉钉子，砸坏了两个手指头。老师：怎么没有扎绷带呀?凯温：噢，砸的不是我的手指头，我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的。

　　At a Department Store 在百货商店里

　　A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?”

　　一个结巴壮汉走进一家百货公司问柜员：“男……男装部在……在哪儿?”

　　The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

　　柜台后的柜员看着他不搭话。

　　The man repeats himself, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him.

　　那男人又重复道：“男装……装部在……在哪儿?”柜员还是不理他。

　　The guy asks several more times, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” And the clerk just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

　　壮汉问了好几遍柜员依旧如故。最后，壮汉气冲冲地走了。

　　The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “Why wouldn’t you answer that guy’s questions?”

　　排在后面的顾客问那个柜员：“你怎么不答人家话呀?”

　　The clerk answers, “D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!”

　　柜员说：“你……你觉着我……我想找打……打是吧!?”

　　冰箱里的储蓄罐

　　My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.

　　我表妹总是从她哥哥的小猪扑满里“借钱”，她哥哥对此事感到很愤怒。

　　One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.

　　一天，表妹四处寻找，最后竟然在冰箱里发现了扑满。

　　Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."

　　扑满里有张纸条：“亲爱的妹妹，我希望你能够理解，我的资产现在已被冻结。”

　　I Understand Him我懂他的话

　　While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.

　　"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.

　　"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly .　A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"

　　"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.

　　在饭店吃饭的时候，我申斥我4岁的儿子，因为他满嘴食物在说话。“喔、呢”，我听到的就是这些。 “祖，”我责备道，“没人明白你在说什么。” “他说他要一些番茄酱，”我丈夫平静地说。坐在旁边的一位妇女靠过来问道：“你究竟如何明白他的话的呢?” “我是牙医。”我丈夫解释道。

　　天气怎么样

　　The Climate of New Zealand

　　Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?

　　Matthew: Very Cold, sir.

　　Teacher: Wrong.

　　Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

　　新西兰的`气候老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样?马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。老师：错了。马修：可是，先生!从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。

　　Improvement

　　One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"

　　"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."

　　一位学生对另一位说：“你的英语最近学的怎么样?”“很好，我过去不懂英国人说话，可现在是英国人不懂我的话了。”