诙谐幽默爆笑英语笑话

　　我妹妹的手指头

　　Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?

　　Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.

　　Teacher: I don't see any bandages.

　　Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.

　　老师：凯温，这次你怎么又迟到了?

　　凯温：对不起，老师，我在家钉钉子，砸坏了两个手指头。

　　老师：怎么没有扎绷带呀?

　　凯温：噢，砸的不是我的手指头，我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的。

　　三位在天堂门口的医生

　　Three doctors arrived in heaven. St. Peter asked them why they should be let into heaven.

　　The first doctor said, "Because I won the Nobel Peace Prize for my work." St. Peter let him in.

　　The second doctor said, "I haven't won any prizes, but I've started free clinics and helped those in need for free." St. Peter let him in.

　　The third doctor said, "I'm responsible for all the hospitals across the United States."

　　St. Peter thought about it for a minute and said, "OK, I'll let you in, but you will be responsible for your safety!"

　　三位医生到了天堂。圣彼得问他们，为什么他们能进入天堂。

　　第一个医生回答：“因为我获得过诺贝尔和平奖。”圣彼得让他进了天堂。

　　第二个医生回答：“我没得过什么奖，但我开设过免费门诊，免费治病。”圣彼得让他进了天堂。

　　第三个医生回答：“我负责管理美国所有的医院。”

　　圣彼得思考了一分钟，说：“好吧，我让你进去，但你要为自己的安全负责!”

　　没想到那么贵

　　A shoplifter 51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

　　一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样?”经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。”

　　它们是从美国直接带来的

　　Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

　　At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

　　一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的`美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

　　这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

　　Where It Should Be Plugged

　　A mother is very good at using every chance to educate his son, who was only three years old. One day, she took a plug and said to her son, " Look, there are two pieces of copper, so it must be plugged in a place where there are two holes. Where do you think it should be plugged?" She waited for an answer expectfully .

　　"Plug in nose." is the answer.

　　一位母亲十分善于利用每一个机会对孩子进行教育。她的儿子只有三岁。一天，她拿着一个插头对儿子说：“看，这里有两个铜片，那它一定要插在有两个孔的地方。你说它应该插在哪儿呢?”母亲期待着儿子的回答。

　　“插在鼻子里!”儿子回答说。