最新英语小笑话大全

　　●What do I get? 我能得到什么?

　　Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?

　　老师：如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半，我能得到几块儿?

　　Tommy: Quarters.

　　汤米：四块。

　　Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?

　　老师：那我要是再切两次，我能得到什么呢?

　　Tommy: Hamburger.

　　汤米：汉堡。

　　●我知道你会帮我 I know I could count on you

　　Smith goes to see his boss in the front office. "Boss," he says: "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic(阁楼) and the garage."

　　"We're short-handed, Smith." the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

　　"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I know I could count on you!"

　　史密斯去找他的老板。“老板，我们家明天有很重的工作要做，我妻子让我修阁楼和车库。”

　　“可我们很缺人，史密斯。”老板答道，“我不可能放你的假。”

　　“谢谢，老板。”史密斯说，“我就知道你会帮我。”

　　●飞机螺旋桨的用处 The purpose of the propeller

　　A: "What's the purpose of the propeller?"

　　B: "To keep the pilot cool. If you don't think so, just stop it and watch him sweat!"

　　A：飞机的螺旋桨有什么用?

　　B：为了保持飞行员凉爽。不信的话，只要停止螺旋桨转动看看飞行员会不会满头大汗。

　　●猫和老鼠 Cat and Mice

　　Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.

　　" What's in your box?" asked the friend.

　　"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them."

　　"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.

　　"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.

　　猫和老鼠

　　布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么?”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的`。”布朗夫人小声说道。

　　●一幅抽象画 An Abstract Drawing

　　One day in a drawing class, the teacher told the class to draw an abstract(抽象的) drawing. After a while, a small boy turned his drawing in . The teacher look at it but saw nothing ,only a piece of white paper.

　　一天美术课上，老师要同学们画一幅抽象画，一会功夫，一个小男孩交了他的作品，老师看了看，可上面什么也没有，只不过是一张白纸。

　　"What did you draw?" said the teacher.

　　“你画的是什么?”老师说

　　"A cow eats grass," the boy answered.

　　“牛吃草。”孩子达答道。

　　"Where is the grass?"

　　“草呢?”

　　"The cow has eaten it up," replied the boy.

　　“牛把它吃光了。”孩子说

　　"Well, but where is the cow?" the teacher asked again.

　　“那么，牛仔哪儿呢?”老师又问。

　　"It ate up the grass and then went away to drink water."

　　“吃完草，牛喝水去了”

　　●Dating for Mother 约会

　　When the young waitress in the café in Tom’s building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"

　　"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.

　　"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"

　　约会

　　在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗?” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。 “我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她?”

　　●A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one。

　　Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam.You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!"

　　To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!"

　　一位妇女到一家帽子店买帽子。她很挑剔，用了很长时间才选好了一顶。

　　已经忍耐到极限的售货员害怕她再改变主意，便恭维她：“你做了极好的选择，夫人。你戴上这顶帽子看上去起码年轻十岁!”

　　但令他沮丧的是，这位女士马上摘下了她的帽子说：“我不想要一顶摘下来便使我立刻显得老十岁的帽子。多拿一些帽子给我看看!”

　　●The frog青蛙

　　The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, “Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket.” He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich.

　　He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, “That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch.”

　　青蛙

　　老师正在给学生上生物课：现在，我将要给你们看我袋子里的这只青蛙。接着，他把手伸进口袋，却拿出了一份鸡肉三文治。老师满脸困惑地看了一眼，沉思了一会儿，说道：真奇怪。我明明记得我已经把午饭吃掉了。

　　●I Hope So 我希望如此

　　Neighbor: Do you think your son will forget all he learned at college?

　　Father: I hope so. He certainly can't make a living by kissing girls!

　　邻居：您认为您的儿子会把在大学里学的东西全忘光吗?

　　父亲：我希望这样--他当然不能以吻女孩子谋生吧!

　　●Thinking Back 回忆

　　We were gathered together, all ten of us, for our widowed mother's 80th birthday. The conversation was of early struggles, walking to work and saving up in clothing clubs, when my elder sister said, "Of course, we were bound to be poor because we were such a big family. Mom, why did you have so many children?"

　　Mother looked around at us all and said, "Well, where did you want to me to stop?"

　　我们总共十个人，聚在一起祝贺已成为寡妇的妈妈的八十岁生日。谈的话题是我们家早年的艰辛，走着去上班，在“新衣会”里存钱准备买衣裳。这时我姐姐说：“当然，我们的生活没法子不艰难，因为我们家孩子太多了。妈妈，您为什么要生这么多的孩子呢?”

　　妈妈看了我们一圈说：“那么，你想让我在哪儿停住呢?”