英语爆笑糗事段子

　　你知道学些笑话的好处么?当第一次见面的时候，总是有不知道该说什么的尴尬，这时候你就需要一些笑话，来缓解一下气氛呢，这里小编为你收集整理了英语爆笑糗事段子，希望能对你有所帮助哈!

　　英语爆笑糗事段子一：Good wishes 良好的心愿

　　One day a boy came to his teacher and said: Teacher, pa wants to know if you like roast(烘烤) pig.

　　I certainly do, said the teacher, and you tell your father he is very kind to think of me.

　　Days passed, and nothing more was said about the roast pig.

　　Finally the teacher said to the boy: I thought your father was going to send me over some roast pig.

　　Yes, said the boy, he did intend to, but the pig got well.

　　一天有个男孩去对他老师说：老师，我爸想知道你是不是爱吃烤猪肉。

　　当然啰，老师说，去告诉你父亲，多谢他想着我。

　　好几天过去了，再没提起烤猪肉的事儿。

　　最后老师对男孩说：我以为你父亲要给我送点烤猪肉来呢。

　　是啊，孩子说，他是这么想的，可后来猪又没病了。

　　英语爆笑糗事段子二：Don't You Like Any of Our Colours Today?

　　Mrs. Green was eighty，but she had a small car，and she always drove to the shops in it on Saturday and bought her food.

　　She did not drive fast，because she was old，but she drove well and never hit anything. Sometimes her grandchildren said to her，“Please don't drive your car，grandmother. We can take you to the shops.”

　　But she always said，“No，I like driving. I've driven for fifty years，and I'm not going to stop now.”

　　Last Saturday she stopped her car at some traffic-lights because they were red，and then it did not start again. The lights were green，then yellow，then red，

　　then green again，but her car did not start.

　　“What am I going to do now?” She said.

　　But then a policeman came and said to her kindly，“Good morning. Don't you like any of our colours today?”

　　格林太太八十岁了。她有一辆小型轿车，每逢星期六她总是开着这辆车去购买食品。

　　因为年纪大了，格林太太车子开得不快，不过她开车技术很高，从来没有出过事。有时她的孙子孙女们对她说：“奶奶，您别开车了，我们可以送您去商店。”

　　但她总是说：“不，我喜欢开车。我已经开了五十年了，现在还不想撒手。”

　　上星期六，她看见交通灯是红色就刹住了车。后来车子熄火了。交通灯由绿色转为黄色，然后转为红色，又转变为绿色，可她的车子还是发动不起来。

　　“现在我该怎么办呢?”她说。

　　这时一位警察走过来，和气地对她说：“早上好，今天交通灯的颜色没有一样您喜欢吗?”

　　英语爆笑糗事段子三：Three Surgeons

　　Three famous surgeons were bragging about(吹嘘，炫耀) their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off," said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist(小提琴家) ." "That's nothing," said another. "A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched(缝纫，装订)them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner."

　　"I can top both of you," said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horse's posterior(后部，臀部) - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate."

　　三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的.技术，“一个人断了一只手，他来找我，”一个说，“如今那个人是个音乐会的小提琴手。”

　　“这算不了什么，”另一个说，“一个家伙两条腿断了，他来找我，我将它们接了回去。如今，那人是马拉松选手。”

　　“我比你们两个都强，”第三个说，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的车祸，除了一个马屁股，和一幅眼睛，什么都没有留下。如今，那人坐在美国参议院里。”

　　英语爆笑糗事段子四：Creative

　　Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications(资格证书，职位要求) . Asked about additional schooling and training, I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in computer programming classes. I got the job.

　　I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I passed.

　　创造性

　　第一次求职时，我意识到在列举我所具备的为数不多的条件时，得有点创造性。当问及我是否受过其它的培训时，我老实地回答说我花了三年时间学计算机程序设计课。我得到了那份工作。

　　我没有提到那门功课我重复学了三年才考及格。