4则爆笑雷人英语笑话

　　你知道我是干嘛的吗 Do You Know My Work

　　One night a hotel caught fire, and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes.

　　Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.

　　Before I came out, said one, I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire, the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find. No one will be poorer because I took them.

　　You don't know my work, said the other.

　　What is your work?

　　I'm a policeman.

　　Oh! cried the first man. He thought quickly and said, and do you know my work? No, said the policeman.

　　I'm a writer. I'm always telling stories about things that never happened.

　　一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡衣就跑了出来。

　　两个人站在外面，看着大火。

　　在我出来之前，其中一个说，我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬，所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了，没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。

　　你不知道我是干什么的，另一个说。

　　你是干什么的?

　　我是警察。

　　噢!第一个人喊了一声，他灵机一动，说：那你知道我是干什么的?不知道。警察说。

　　我是个作家，我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。

　　良好的心愿 Good wishes

　　One day a boy came to his teacher and said: Teacher, pa wants to know if you like roast(烘烤) pig.

　　I certainly do, said the teacher, and you tell your father he is very kind to think of me.

　　Days passed, and nothing more was said about the roast pig.

　　Finally the teacher said to the boy: I thought your father was going to send me over some roast pig.

　　Yes, said the boy, he did intend to, but the pig got well.

　　一天有个男孩去对他老师说：老师，我爸想知道你是不是爱吃烤猪肉。

　　当然啰，老师说，去告诉你父亲，多谢他想着我。

　　好几天过去了，再没提起烤猪肉的事儿。

　　最后老师对男孩说：我以为你父亲要给我送点烤猪肉来呢。

　　是啊，孩子说，他是这么想的，可后来猪又没病了。

　　绳子还是公牛? Rope or Ox?

　　The man in the prison asked a new comer why he was sent there. The new comer answered: "I am out of luck, I think. A few days ago I was walking in the street when I saw a piece of dirty rope. I thought nobody wanted it and so I picked it up and took it home."

　　"But it is not against the law to pick up a piece of rope and take home!"

　　"I told you I had bad luck, didn't I?" the man sighed, "The trouble is that I didn't notice there was an ox at the other end of that rope."

　　在监狱里，一个人问新来的.犯人为什么被关进来。新来的犯人回答说：“我想我真是倒霉。几天前我在街上走的时候，看到一根脏绳子，以为没人要了，便捡起来带了回家。”

　　“但是，捡一根绳子带回家并不犯法啊!”“我告诉过你我倒霉了吧?”那个人叹了口气，“麻烦的就是我没有注意到绳子的那一头还有一头公牛。”

　　推荐信 Letter of Recommendation

　　When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."

　　The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter the next day. The following morning, Peters found a letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for 11 years.When he left us, we were very satisfied."

　　彼得斯听说自己被解雇了，便去见人力资源部的头头。“既然我在公司干了这么久，”他说，“我想至少该给我一封推荐信。”

　　人力资源部主任同意了，并说他第二天就可拿到该信。第二天早上，彼得斯在他的桌子上看一封信，上面写道：“乔纳森·彼得斯在我们公司干了11年。当他离去的时候，我们很满意。”