幽默诙谐英语笑话

　　Two Birds 两只鸟

　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

　　Teacher: Please tell us.

　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

　　老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?

　　学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

　　老师：请说说看。

　　学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

　　狗的盘子

　　Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"

　　Jonny: "Because you are using his plate."

　　客人：“为什么你的狗坐在那里看着我吃东西啊?”

　　乔尼：“因为你正在用他的盘子。”

　　Excellent Skills

　　After friends of mine landed at busy Newwark Airport, they were unable to attract the attention of any porters to help with their luggage. In desperation, the husband took out a five-dollar bill and waved it above the crowd.

　　In an instant, a skycap was at his side. "Sir," observed the porter, " you certainly have excellent communication skills.

　　我的朋友们在繁忙的纽瓦克机场着陆后，他们却不能招呼到脚夫来帮他们搬行李。无奈，丈夫拿出一张五美元的钞票在人群上面摇晃。

　　一个带宽边帽的人马上来到他身边。“先生，”脚夫说道，“很明显你有绝妙的交际技巧。”

　　我在哪儿

　　An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

　　"Yes, " the farmer looked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."

　　一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路，他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民：“劳驾，您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗?”

　　“可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他，然后说道：“你现在在你的'车子里，先生。”

　　班级、情人和蠢驴

　　Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow." A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.

　　汤姆教授打算第二天与他的学生见面，因此他在黑板上写道：“汤姆教授明天将和大家见面”。一位学生看到这条通知后，觉得展示自己幽默感的机会来了，就走上前，将“class”中的“c”擦掉，教授听到笑声，转过身走回来，看了看那位学生，又看看被改动过的通知，不动声色地走上前，把“lass” 中的“l”擦掉，看了看那位目瞪口呆的学生，教授扬长而去。