英语短篇笑话汇集2015

　　两个笨贼

　　Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"

　　两个盗贼在一家旅馆偷东西。第一个说：“我听到警报响了，快跳吧!” 第二个说：“但是我们现在在第13层啊!” 第一个尖叫着回敬他：“都什么时候了，还这么迷信!”

　　结婚的花费

　　A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

　　小男孩问他的父亲：“爸爸，结婚要花多少钱?”

　　His father replied, "I don't know, son, because I'm still paying for it now."

　　他的.父亲回答说：“儿子，我不知道，因为我现在还在为它付账呢。”

　　理发师

　　Harry: "My big brother shaves every day."

　　哈里：“我哥哥每天都刮脸。”

　　Henry: "My brother shaves fifty times a day."

　　亨利：“我哥哥每天刮50次脸。”

　　Harry: "Is he crazy?"

　　哈里：“他疯了吗?”

　　Henry: "No, he's a barber."

　　亨利：“没有，他是一名理发师。”

　　年少无知

　　Jimmy is three years old.

　　吉米3岁了。

　　One day, he was gazing out of the window when the night fell. He suddenly shouted, "Mum, mum, come close the window!"

　　一天，他正在窗口观望，夜幕降临。他突然喊道：“妈妈，妈妈，快来关窗!”

　　"Why? It's not cold, sonny."

　　“为什么?天不冷呀，宝贝。”

　　"Yes, mum, but the night will come inside."

　　“是的，妈妈，可黑夜会进来。”

　　快速靠岸

　　A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location." "I-75, two miles south of Standish." After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"

　　在休伦湖钓完鱼后，我的一个朋友开车拖着他的船回家。路上车坏了。 他没带手机，不过，他想，也许他可以通过海事无线广播来请求公路援助。 于是，他爬到他的船里面，启动了无线装置，喊道，“求救，求救”。一名海岸护卫队警官作出了回应，“报告你的位置”。“I-75号公路，Standish的南面两英里”。沉默了好一会之后，警官问我的朋友，“你的船靠岸时开得有多快?”

　　有效

　　Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

　　汤姆早上老起不来，所以上班总是迟到。他的老板非常生气，警告他如果他不能有所改善的话就炒他的鱿鱼。于是，汤姆去看医生，医生给了他一颗药丸并告诉他要在睡觉前服下这颗药。汤姆照医生的话做了，睡得非常之好，事实上，他在早上闹钟响之前就起来了。汤姆从容不迫地吃完早餐，然后兴高采烈地开车上班去了。 “老板”，汤姆说，“那药真管用，我的睡眠好极了!” “是够管用的，”老板说，“问题是，昨天你人哪去了”?