经典英语笑话大全2015

　　CD唱机

　　While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?That means, she said, that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal - that is, into music.In other words this CD player plays CDs.Exactly.

　　在购买我的第一部CD唱机时，我能够解读推销标记上面的大多数技术语言。但是有一个标示却让我颇为迷惑，于是我叫过销售商，问道：‘混合脉冲D/A变换器’是什么意思?它的意思是，她说，这个机器能够读CD碟上加码的数字信息，将它转换成声音信息-也就是说，转换成音乐。换句话说，这个CD唱机能够播放CD碟。正是如此。

　　他们全都淹死了

　　The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the //ww.yjbys.com/picmission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was completed, the patron(赞助人，主顾) was asked to come and inspect it. As a matter of fact, the picture was just one daub(涂抹，涂料) of brilliant red.What's this? exclaimed the purchaser. I asked for the Red Sea, on the occasion of the celebrated passage.That's it, replied Hogarth.But, where are the Israelites?They are all gone over.Where are the Egyptians?They're all drowned.

　　一天，有人请这位伟大的画家画一幅法老王渡红海图。这幅画刚开始不久，酬金就出现了问题。霍迪斯发现，完成这幅画后，他只能得到他想要的大约一半的钱。当作品完成之后，那位主顾被请来看画。其实，这幅画不过是胡乱涂抹的一片鲜红。这是什么?那位买主喊了起来。我要的`是红海，是那次著名的航海。这就是，霍迦斯回答说。可是以色列人在哪儿?他们都已经渡过去了。埃及人在哪儿?他们全都淹死了。

　　Excellent Skills

　　After friends of mine landed at busy Newwark Airport, they were unable to attract the attention of any porters to help with their luggage. In desperation, the husband took out a five-dollar bill and waved it above the crowd.

　　In an instant, a skycap was at his side. "Sir," observed the porter, " you certainly have excellent communication skills.

　　我的朋友们在繁忙的纽瓦克机场着陆后，他们却不能招呼到脚夫来帮他们搬行李。无奈，丈夫拿出一张五美元的钞票在人群上面摇晃。

　　一个带宽边帽的人马上来到他身边。“先生，”脚夫说道，“很明显你有绝妙的交际技巧。”

　　可怜的人

　　"Oh, my poor man," exclaimed the kind old lady， "It must be dreadful to be lame. But it would be much worse if you were blind."

　　"You're absolutely right," said the beggar, obviously an old hand at the game." When I was blind, people kept giving me foreign coins."

　　"啊，可怜的人，"善良的老妇人惊叹道。"脚瘸就够惨的了，要是眼瞎就更糟了。"

　　"你说的一点儿没错，"那乞丐说。他显然是乞讨老手。"我眼瞎的时候，人们老是给我外币。"

　　终身保修

　　After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty."

　　在将母亲下葬9个月后，当地殡仪馆的一个客户终于攒够了钱去买那副他早就相中的价值不菲的棺材了。他把母亲的棺材挖了出来，将尸体转移到了那副新的钢制棺材中。“这副棺材有什么特别?”，我问葬礼的承办人。他回答说，“这种棺材终生保修。