小学英语爆笑笑话大全

　　简短搞笑英文笑话：钥匙还是接吻

　　friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys.” The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn’t heard him clearly, so he repealed. "Give me the keys.” The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.

　　我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后，他请全班同学给他挑出尺子、书本、钢笔等。课程进行得井然有序，学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣，也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生，我的朋友说:“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊，也有点手足无措。看到这种情况，我的朋友想是他没有听清楚，于是又重复了一遍:“给我钥匙。’，那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着，他伸出胳膊接住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。

　　简短搞笑英文笑话：用沙盖住影子

　　The soldiers had just moved to the desert, and as they had never been in such a place before, they had a lot to learn.

　　士兵们刚刚移驻到沙漠里，因为他们以前从来没有到过这样的地方，他们要学习的东西很多。

　　As there were no trees or buildings in the desert，it was，of course, very hard to hide their trucks from enemy. The soldiers were therefore g2vPn training in camouflage，which means ways of covering something so that the enemy cannot see where it is. They were shown how to paint their trucks in irregular patterns with pale green, yellow, and brown paints，and then to cover them with nets to which they had tied small pieces of cloth.

　　因为沙漠里没有树木和建筑物，要使他们的卡车躲过敌机当然是很难办到的。因此，士兵们受训进行伪装，也就是说，要把一些东西隐蔽起来，不让敌人看到它在哪里。教官教给了他们如何用浅绿、黄色和棕色在卡车上涂上不规则的图形，然后用网罩住它们后，士兵们在网上还系了许多小布片。

　　The driver who had the biggest truck went to lot of trouble to camouflage it. He. spent several hours painting it，preparing a net and searching for some heavy rocks with which to hold the net down. When it was all finished, he looked proudly at his work and then went off to have his lunch.

　　一辆最大的卡车的司机，他为伪装汽车费了很大的力气。他花了几个小时涂画这辆车，并准备了一张网把车罩起来，同时他还找到了一些大石块来把网固定。当这一切都于完以后，他自豪地打量了自己的杰作后，就去吃中午饭了。

　　But when he came back to the truck after he had had his meal，he was surprised and worried to see that his cannot flage work was completely spoilt by the truck’ s shadow, which was growing longer arid longer as the afternoon advanced. He stood looking at it, not knowing what to do about it.

　　但当他吃完饭回到卡车旁时，发现自己的伪装效果全被卡车的影子给破坏了，他感到又吃惊又发愁，而且影子还随着下午时间的推移而越来越长。他站在那里望着影子，不知怎么办才好。

　　Soon an officer arrived，and he too saw the shadow, of course.

　　不一会，一位军官走来，他当然也看见了影子。

　　"Well,” he shouted to the poor driver, "what are you going to do about it? If an enemy plane comes over, the pilot will at once know that there is a truck there.”

　　“喂，”他对那位可怜的司机叫道:“你准备怎么办?如果敌机飞过，飞行员马上就会知道这里有一辆卡车的。”

　　"I know, sir,” answered the soldier.

　　“我明白，长官，”士兵答道。

　　"Whel1, don’t just stand there doing nothing!” said the officer.

　　“嘿!不要光站在那里发呆了!”

　　"What shall I do, sir`?" asked the poor driver.

　　“我该怎么办呢?长官?”可怜的.司机问。

　　"Get your spade and throw some sand over the shadow, of course!” answered the officer.

　　“当然是拿起你的铲子，用沙把影子盖住呀!”军官答道。

　　简短搞笑英文笑话：去天堂

　　Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up…what about you、Terry? You haven't got your hand up，don’t you want to go to Heaven?

　　星期日学校的教员:想去天堂的人举起手来，把手举起来……你呢，哈里?你还没举手呢，你不想去天堂吗?

　　Terry: I can’t. My Mum told me to go straight home.

　　哈里:我去不了，因为妈妈让我一放学就回家。

　　简单英语：心不在焉的老师

　　An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.”

　　有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。 一个碰见他的学生说： “晚安，老师。您怎么了?” “啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”

　　简单英语小笑话：新老师

　　George comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

　　9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗?” 妈妈问。“妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得

　　简单英语小笑话：One Side of the Case 一面之辞

　　A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand.

　　"I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge.

　　"Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head.

　　"You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case at a time."

　　一位法官问我们这群修补陪审员是否有人应当免权。一个人举起了手。

　　“我的左耳听不见。”那人告诉法官。

　　“你的右边耳朵听得见吗?”法官问道。那人点了点头。

　　“你将被允许加入陪审团，”法官宣布。“我们每次只听一面之辞。”

　　简单英语小笑话：Now I have two skunks in there

　　"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"

　　"Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open."

　　Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher.

　　"No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"

　　“我们的地下室里有一只臭鼬，”打电话的人对警察调度员尖叫道。“我们怎样才能把它弄出来?”

　　“弄一些面包屑，”调度员说;“从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。然后将地下室的门打开。”

　　一段时间后，那人又打电话打了回来。“你们将它弄出来了吗?”调度员问他。

　　“没有，”打电话的人答道，“现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。”

　　简单英语小笑话：唯有我是司机

　　A short young man was running behind a bus which was full of passengers. But the bus still ran at a great speed.

　　"Stop, stop, " a passenger looked out of the window, and shouted at the young man, "you can't catch it ! "

　　"I must," the young fellow said, out of breath, "because I'm only driver of the bus.

　　在一辆满载乘客的公共汽车后面，一位小个子青年在奔跑着。气车仍在高速前进。 “停下吧，”一位乘客把头伸出窗子，对小个子喊道，“你追不上的!”

　　“我必须追上，”小个子气喘吁吁地说，“我是司机!”

　　简单英语小笑话：Akimbo (叉腰)

　　Just like most of other kids, aged two Emilia didn' t like washing hands──she' s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. One day I accompanied her to have fried cicadae(蝉). Habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. I held back (阻挡) her from doing it: " What do you want to do?" She was immediately on to (意识)her blame, replied at ease(从容): " I' m akimbo."

　　像大多数别的小孩一样，两岁艾咪丽雅不爱洗手，吃东西弄脏手，随便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了，她手上的油多了，便习惯地往真丝小褂子上蹭，我阻止道：“你想干什么?”她马上意识到问题所在，从容答道：“我叉腰。”

　　简单英语小笑话：借公牛一用

　　Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.

　　One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.

　　After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, "OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I'll go myself shortly.

　　从前，有个人很富有，但他不识字。

　　一天，他的一位朋友想向他借一头公牛，便写了个条，让仆人送到富人那里。 仆人把条子给了富人。富人便假装看了一会儿，然后说道：“好啦，我知道了。回去告诉你的主人，我马上自己过去。”

　　简单英语小笑话：一切都正常

　　A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, Mom, the toast is burned.

　　You talked! You talked! Shouted his mother. I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?

　　Well, up till now, Said the boy, things have been okay.

　　一对年轻夫妇有个儿子，已经四岁了，还没有开口说话，他们对此深感焦虑。他们带他去找专家诊治，但医生们总觉得他没有毛病。后来有一天早上吃早餐时，那孩子突然开口了：妈妈，面包烤焦了。

　　你说话了!你说话了!他母亲叫了起来。我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时间呢?

　　哦，在这之前，那男孩说，一切都很正常。

　　简单英语小笑话：不会犯两次同样的错误

　　Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?

　　Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

　　男孩：嗨，我们之前是不是约会过，是一次还是两次，我忘记了。

　　女孩：应该只有一次吧，我从不犯两次同样的错误。

　　简单英语小笑话：音乐家最重要的生理素质是什么

　　In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"

　　"To be deaf," replied the boy.

　　"Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.

　　"Why, sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.

　　在一次音乐学院的入学考试中，老师问其中一个男孩："音乐家最重要的生理素质是什么?"

　　"耳聋，"男孩答道。

　　"胡说!"老师气愤地说。

　　"怎么了，先生!难道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音乐家贝多芬是个聋子吗?"男孩轻蔑地反问道。

　　简单英语小笑话：醉酒 Drunk

　　One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

　　"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

　　一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

　　简单英语小笑话：a neuropathy

　　Have a neuropathy, I do not know where to get a handful of pistols, he is gone in a little black alley. When suddenly a young man, neuropathy apart from anything else its guns on the ground by pointing to his head. Asked one plus a few zero. Terrified young people, thought for a long time. Answer, equals two. Neuropathy of the killing he did not hesitate. And then get pulled in his arms, said a cold, you know too much ...

　　有一个神经病，不知道从哪里弄来了一把手枪，他走在一条小黑胡同里。突然遇上一个年轻人，神经病二话不说将其按在地上用枪指着他的头。问道，一加一得几。年轻人吓坏了，沉思了很久。回答，等于二。神经病毫不犹豫的打死了他。然后把抢拽在怀里，冰冷的说了一句，你知道的太多了…

　　爆笑英文小笑话带翻译篇1

　　Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.

　　So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.

　　Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I'd have given you the large one and had the small one myself.

　　Well, said Harry, that's what you've got, so what are you worrying about?

　　妈妈给了哈里两个苹果，一个大一点，另一个小点儿。跟妹妹分着吃。妈妈说。

　　所以，哈里就把小个的给了妹妹，自己开始啃那个大个的。

　　哼，妹妹说，如果妈妈给了我，我会把大的给你，把小的留给自己的。

　　对呀，哈里说，你拿到的不就是小的吗?还着什么急呀?

　　爆笑英文小笑话带翻译篇2

　　One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

　　After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

　　"Certainly"

　　"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

　　"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

　　"Then why you didn't take it back?"

　　"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

　　有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。

　　儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”

　　“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”

　　“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”

　　爆笑英文小笑话带翻译篇3

　　Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?

　　Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.

　　妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的?

　　汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了

　　爆笑英文小笑话带翻译篇4

　　Give up your seat to a lady

　　Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

　　"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

　　"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

　　给女士让座

　　小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，他叫我让座给一位女士。”

　　妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”

　　“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”