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诙谐爆笑英语笑话
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2024-07-08 01:00:00

诙谐爆笑英语笑话

  最希望得到的签名

  Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma."

  我们大学的校报开办了一个每周一问的专栏。上周的问题是:“你最想要什么人的签名?为什么?”和预计的一样,大部分的回答都是歌星、体育明星或者政治家。但是,最优秀的答案来自一个一年级新生,他说:“在我毕业证上签字的那个人。”

  记得这几天不要抽烟

  A much worried patient walked into doctor's office asking for help: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday!"

  "Oh, Don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days!" The doctor replied.

  候诊室里坐着一位忧心忡忡的病人,当医生传唤他时,他满面愁容的`说:“医生,怎么办?我昨天误喝下一瓶汽油!”

  医生回答他说:“喔,没关系啦!记得这几天不要抽烟!”

  最丑的孩子?

  A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

  一位女士抱着她的宝宝上公交车,司机看到后说:“额,那是我这辈子见过的最丑的小孩。”

  The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

  女士走到车厢后面坐下,感到很愤怒。她对旁边的男士说:“司机刚刚羞辱了我。”男士回应说:“你快上去斥责他。去吧,我替你抱着你的猴子。”

  成功的关键

  One day a father was teaching his son and said, "The keys to your success are keeping your word and cleverness. Once you give somebody a promise, you must carry it out on matter what will happen. This is called 'keeping one's words.'"

  "What is cleverness?" asked his son.

  "Cleverness is that you'll never make such a promise," the father answered.

  一天,父亲教育儿子说:“一个人成功的关键就是严守诺言和足够聪明。一旦你给了别人承诺,无论发生什么事,你都得实现它,这个就叫‘守诺言’。”

  儿子问:“那么什么是聪明呢?”

  父亲回答:“聪明就是任何时候都别做这样的承诺。”

  一分钟一百万

  A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second."

  一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

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