英语笑话:Do What You Can 尽力而为就好

　　一、In a courtroom, the judge sentenced a criminal to thirty years in prison and the prisoner said, "But Sir, I won’t live that long!"So the judge replied, "Don't worry, just do what you can!"

　　在法庭上，法官宣判某个罪犯要服三十年徒刑。犯人说：“不过庭上，我活不了那么久啊!”法官说：“别担心!你尽力而为就好。”

　　二、A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, "Here lies John Kelly, a lawyer and an honest man.""How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."

　　有一个人参观墓地时见到一块墓碑上写着：“在这里安息的是约翰凯利，一个律师，一个诚实的人。”“这是怎么回事!”他叫了起来。“他们在一个坟墓了埋了三个人。”

　　三、A newspaper once carried an editorial which stated bluntly(坦率地) that half the city council were crooks. Under penalty of arrest, the editor issued following retraction(撤销) : Half the city council aren't crooks.

　　一次，一份报纸刊登了一篇社论，直接指出市议会里有一半人是骗子。在被罚以拘留后，编辑发表了以下声明：市议会里有一半人不是骗子。

　　四、Lawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?Witness: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the Sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.

　　律师：你说你离事故现场约有35英尺，你能看清多远的东西?证人：这么说吧，早上起床后我看见太阳，别人告诉我这大约有9300万英里远。

　　五、A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand."I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge."Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head.

　　"You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case at a time."

　　一位法官问我们这群修补陪审员是否有人应当免权。一个人举起了手。“我的左耳听不见。”那人告诉法官。“你的右边耳朵听得见吗?”法官问道。那人点了点头。“你将被允许加入陪审团，”法官宣布。“我们每次只听一面之辞。”

　　六、A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

　　"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

　　医生和律师正在一个宴会上交谈。他们的谈话常被一些人打断，那些人向医生描述自己的病症，期望获得免费的治疗建议。如此这般一个钟头后，医生有点恼火，于是他问律师：“如果不在办公时间，你是怎么阻止人们向你咨询法律问题的?”

　　“我会给他们建议，”律师回答，“然后我会给他们寄去帐单”。医生很震惊，但他还是决定这么试一试。第二天，带着点犯罪感，他准备了帐单。当他准备将它们放到邮箱里时，发现了一张来自律师的帐单。

　　七、A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. "you're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker".The man quickly responds, "The attorney's"."Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"The man says, "I already know enough. Social workers have bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"

　　一个人心脏病突发被送进了医院。医生告诉他除非马上做心脏移植手术，否则他将活不成了。“你很幸运，我们刚好有两个心脏在这儿，所以你必须选择其中一个。它们分别属于一个律师和一个社会工作者。”病人很快回答：“律师的'那个。”“等等!在作决定之前，难道你不需要了解多一点他们的情况吗?”病人说：“我知道的够多的了。社会工作者都是热心人，而律师可能从来都没有用过他的良心。所以我选择律师的心脏。”

　　八、A preacher is buying a parrotAre you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.

　　一个传教士在买鹦鹉“你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗?”传教士问。“哦，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”店主保证说。“你看见它腿上的这些细绳了吗?当你拉动右面的这根，它会背诵天主经，当你拉动左面的那根，它会背诵赞美诗”“太棒了!”传教士说，“但是如果我同时拉动两条绳子，会发生什么呢?”“我会从树干上掉下去的，你这个笨蛋!”鹦鹉尖声说道。