幽默搞笑段子英语笑话

　　人们什么时候说话最少?

　　Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?

　　老师: 汤姆，“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?

　　Tom: Men.

　　汤姆:男人们。

　　Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

　　老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢?

　　Tom : Twins.

　　汤姆: 双胞胎。

　　Boss's idea

　　When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

　　Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.

　　Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

　　"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."

　　由于我的打印机不能打印出清晰的字来，我就打电话给维修部。电话是一位非常和蔼的男人接的，他说我的打印机也许只是需要清理一下。

　　他还说，如果让维修部清理的话要交50英镑的清理费，让我最好看看使用手册自己试着清理。

　　当时我真的被他的话感动了，就问他：“你们老板知道你这样拒绝生意么?”

　　“事实上，这就是我们老板的主意，”雇员答道：“因为如果我们让用户先自行修理打印机的话就能挣更多的钱。”

　　Good news or Bad news?

　　An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.

　　"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.

　　"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.

　　"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

　　"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"

　　With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."

　　以为艺术家在一个画廊办了个展览，他问店主是否有人对他参展的画感兴趣。

　　“我有一个好消息和一个坏消息。”店主回答。

　　“先告诉我好消息。”画家要求道。

　　“好消息是一位绅士询问了你的作品，还问它是否会在你死后增。我告诉他会的，然后他买下了你所有的15幅画作。”

　　“那太棒了!”画家惊叹。“那么什么会是坏消息呢?”

　　店主想了想之后说：“问那个问题的是你的医生”。

　　有效

　　Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

　　汤姆早上老起不来，所以上班总是迟到。他的`老板非常生气，警告他如果他不能有所改善的话就炒他的鱿鱼。于是，汤姆去看医生，医生给了他一颗药丸并告诉他要在睡觉前服下这颗药。汤姆照医生的话做了，睡得非常之好，事实上，他在早上闹钟响之前就起来了。汤姆从容不迫地吃完早餐，然后兴高采烈地开车上班去了。 “老板”，汤姆说，“那药真管用，我的睡眠好极了!” “是够管用的，”老板说，“问题是，昨天你人哪去了”?

　　两块蛋糕

　　Two Pieces of Cake

　　Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?

　　Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!

　　汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗?

　　妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!

　　离婚

　　A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"

　　the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."

　　有一个丈夫和妻子都是91岁，他们站在法官面前，要求离婚。“我不明白，”法官说，“你们为什么到了这把年纪还要离婚?”

　　丈夫解释道：“嗯，你是知道的，我们以前是哟等到孩子们都死了。”