5分钟英文幽默笑话

　　笑话的界定因人而异，有的人认为是笑话的东西，有的人不认为是笑话。以下是5分钟英文欢迎阅览!

　　真正的男人

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives.He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely.

　　Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

　　“It's good to see，”said the king，“that we have one real man in the kingdom.Tell these chickenhearted dunces why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.”

　　“Your Majesty，”came the reply in a squealing voice，“it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.”

　　一位古王国的统治者，想要证明在他领地中的男人们都是被他们老婆所统治这一说法是错误的，他就把王国中的所有男人都招到面前，并警告说，谁要不说实话就会被严惩。

　　然后，他叫那些听老婆指挥听老婆劝的男人全都迈向大堂左边。所有男人都这么做了，只有一个小个儿男人挪到了右边。

　　“看来还不错嘛，”国王说，“咱们王国还有一个真正的男人。告诉这帮胆小的'蠢材，在这些人当中，为什么只有你一人站在大堂右边。”

　　“陛下，”一个尖嗓子的回答声传过来，“那是因为我出门之前，老婆交代我别往人堆里扎。”

　　父亲在哪儿?

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!”

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”

　　现在怎么办?

　　A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator:

　　"My friend is dead! What can I do?"

　　The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

　　There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

　　两个新泽西猎人在林子里，有一个突然摔倒在地，看起来没了呼吸，翻白眼了。另一个掏出手机呼叫急救中心。他上气不接下气地对接线员说：

　　“我朋友死了!我该怎么办?”

　　接线员用镇定安慰的语气说：“别慌，我有办法。首先，咱确定一下他真死了。”

　　安静了片刻，接着听见一声枪响。电话里又传来那男人的声音，他说：“确定了，现在怎么办?”