精选爆笑英语笑话带翻译

　　上帝的小孩

　　A preschooler asked his mother, "Mom, tomorrow our teacher is going to ask who my father is. What should I say?"

　　The mother said, "Just tell her that God is your father!"

　　The next day, the boy went to school, and the teacher asked him, "Who is your father?"

　　Scratching his scalp, the boy could not find an answer to the question.

　　The teacher asked again, "Who is your father?"

　　The child confessed, "I used to think that Mr. Smith was my father. But yesterday my mother told me that I am the son of another person, and I cannot remember his name!"

　　有一个上幼稚园的小孩问他妈妈：“妈妈，明天老师会问我们，我爸爸是谁，那我应该怎么回答呢?”

　　妈妈说：“那你就说，上帝就是你的爸爸啊!”

　　隔天他来到学校，老师问他：“你爸爸是谁?”

　　那个小孩在那边抓头抓脚，想不出来答案。

　　老师再问一次：“你爸爸到底是谁?”

　　那个小孩就说：“我本来认为我爸爸是史密斯先生，不过昨天我妈妈又说我是另外一个人的儿子， 我一下子忘记他的名字了。”

　　她怀孕了吗?

　　A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the new doctors ... but after 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

　　有个妇女去看病，为她诊治的是一名年轻的医生。检查进行了大约四分钟，她哭着跑了出去，在走廊里面一边跑一边大叫着。一位老医生拦住了她，问她发生了什么事，妇女告诉了他事情的经过。听她说完，老医生让她坐在另一间屋子里放松一下，他自己穿过走廊来到新医生的办公室：“你是怎么搞的?特里太太今年63岁，她的四个孩子都成年了，还有7个孙子孙女，可是你居然对她说她怀孕了?”新医生继续做着他的纪录，眼皮都没抬一下：“她现在还打嗝吗?”

　　请问你们有多少人?

　　An American stepped into a gun shop, "Give me the most powerful pistol."

　　"How many bullets do you need?"

　　The American walked to a telephone booth, "Hello. Is that the bank? How many people do you have, Please?"

　　一个美国人走进枪支商店：“给我拿一支威力最大的手枪。”

　　“您需要多少发子弹?”

　　那个美国人走到公用电话间旁打电话：“喂，银行吗?请问你们有多少人?”

　　太阳和月亮

　　Two boys are talking about the sun and the moon. "Which one of them is more useful?" asked one of them.

　　两个男孩在谈论太阳和月亮。“它们中哪个更有用?”其中一个问道。

　　"Of course the moon is. The moon is in the sky when it's dark, but the sun is in the sky in the daytime when nobody needs it."

　　“当然是月亮。月亮在天黑时挂在天空，但太阳是在白天谁也不需要它时挂在天空。”

　　Dumas仲马

　　One day a man was taunting Alexandre Dumas，the greatFrench novelist，with his ancestry. “Why，” snarled the fellow，“you are a quadroon;yourfather was a mulatto，and your grandfather was a negro.” “Yes，” roared Dumas，“and，if you wish to know'mygreatgrandfather was a monkey. In fact， my pedigree beganwhere yours terminates.”

　　有一天，一个人在嘲弄法国大小说家亚历山大·仲马，讥笑他的祖先。 那家伙厉声说：“唔，你是四分之一黑白混血儿，你父亲是黑白混血儿，而你的祖父是个黑人。” “是的`，”仲马大声回敬：“还有呢，如果你想知道的话， 我的曾祖父是一只猴子。其实我的血统起始于你的血统终止的地方。”