快乐爆笑英语笑话

　　导语：爱笑的人，运气总不会太差，那么你喜欢笑么?这里小编收集整理了快乐爆笑，一起来看看吧!说不定能点中你的笑穴哦!

　　1 The Preacher Buys a Parrot

　　传教士买鹦鹉

　　A preacher is buying a parrot.

　　一个传教士在买鹦鹉。

　　"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

　　“你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗?”传教士问。

　　"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

　　“噢，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”店主向他保证。

　　"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

　　“你看见它腿上的那些细绳了吗?当你拉动右边这根，它会背诵天主经;当你拉动左边那根，它会背诵赞美诗。”

　　"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

　　“太棒了!”传教士说，“但是如果我同时拉动两根绳子，会发生什么呢?”

　　"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

　　“我会从树干上掉下去，你这个笨蛋!”鹦鹉尖声说道。

　　2 Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

　　我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的`各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗?”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西?”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。

　　3 The fine-furniture store where I work has been in business since the 1920s. Recently I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chairs from a dining set purchased from us in the 1930s. I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager. "You'll never believe this one, " I told him." I just got a call from a customer who bought some chairs from us in the 1930s. " Before I could finish repeating her request, he interrupted and said, "Don't tell me she hasn't received them yet!"

　　我所工作的精品家具商店是从20世纪二十年代以来就营业的。最近我接到一个妇女的电话。她想换一套餐具中的一些椅子。这套餐具她是在三十年代从我们这儿买的。我向她保证说我们可以帮她的忙，于是我向部门经理寻求帮助。“你永远也不会相信，”我对他说，“我刚接到一个顾客的电话，她在三十年代从我们这里买了一些椅子。” 我还没来得及说她的要求，经理就打断了我的话：“你别告诉我她到现在还没收到货!”

　　4 A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."

　　有一个丈夫和妻子都是91岁，他们站在法官面前，要求离婚。“我不明白，”法官说，“你们为什么到了这把年纪还要离婚?”丈夫解释道：“嗯，你是知道的，我们以前是哟等到孩子们都死了。”

　　5 Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?

　　老师: 汤姆，“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?

　　Tom: Men.

　　汤姆:男人们。

　　Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

　　老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢?

　　Tom : Twins.

　　汤姆: 双胞胎。

　　6 Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

　　小彼得从操场回到家时，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。

　　It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

　　显然他刚与人恶斗了一番，而且打输了。父亲问儿子发生了什么事。“噢，爸爸，彼得说，我向拉里挑起决斗，而且我让他挑选武器。”

　　"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

　　“嗯，”父亲说，“这看上去很公平!”

　　"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

　　“我知道，但我没想到他选择了他姐姐!”