精选3个搞笑英语笑话

　　钉子还是苍蝇?A Nail Or A Fly?

　　An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor.

　　When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy(同情) for him and decided to do him a favour.

　　So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.

　　Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully andslapped(拍击) it with all his strength.

　　On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched(紧握的) and his right hand bleeding!

　　一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房。他双手各拿一瓶酒。在墙上有只苍蝇，他误以为是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂，瓶子掉下来摔碎了，酒洒了一地。

　　一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，对他深表同情，决定帮他个忙。

　　于是，第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。

　　这里，老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看，苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全力拍了一掌。

　　听到一声大叫，好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是，可怜的老头正坐在地板上，牙关紧咬，右手滴血不止。

　　我没有睡着 I wasn't asleep

　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged(用肘轻推) him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　当一群妇女上车之后，车上的`座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!”

　　“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。

　　“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”

　　“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”

　　十三 Thirteen

　　A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum(精神病院) and he hears all the residents inside chanting, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

　　Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye.

　　Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

　　一个人在精神病院的木围墙外路过，听见里面所有的人在唱，十三!十三! 十三!

　　他很好奇，就找到围墙的一个洞，然后看进去。突然有个人捅到了他的眼睛。

　　然后里面所有人开始唱，十四!十四!十四!