古今英语笑话小学五年级

　　英文笑话带翻译的你有吗?一定能让很多人笑的，尽在YJBYS网站。

　　Two roaches 两只蟑螂

　　Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines.""Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

　　两只蟑螂正在一条小巷的垃圾堆上大吃着，其中的一只谈起了它在一家新开张的餐馆里的经历。“那时我在街对面的那家新餐馆里，”它说。“那里太干净了!厨房没有一点污渍，地面闪着白光。任何地方都没有垃圾。那里是如此干净，整个地方都在发光。”“请不要在我吃东西的时候说这个好吗?”另一只蟑螂不悦地说。

　　我需要器官移植

　　The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . ." "What makes you think you need all these?" Well, replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized."

　　这个病人显得很坚决。“医生，我需要做肝脏移植、肾脏移植、心脏移植、角膜移植、脾脏移植、胰腺移植和……” “你为什么认为你需要做这么多移植手术?”病人回答：“哦，是这样，我的老板说如果我这个人不重新组装的话，就别想保住我的'工作!”

　　埋在花园里的枪

　　Guns Buried in the Garden An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden. He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

　　一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢。老人想在花园里种些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松。他写信想儿子提及此事，儿子回信说道：“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把枪埋在那儿了。”第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍，但并没有找到任何枪支。” 老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发生了什么事情，下一步应该怎么做。 儿子回信道：“你只管种土豆好了。”

　　法官与小偷

　　It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,

　　“What is your offense?”

　　“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.

　　“There’s nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

　　“Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner

　　圣诞佳节到来，法官心情愉悦的问受刑人：

　　“你做了什么坏事啊?”

　　“我今年圣诞节购物早了些。”犯人回答。

　　“那并不事件坏事”，法官说：“到底多早之前啊?”

　　“商店开门之前。”犯人答道。

　　The Three Stages of Man男性成长三阶段

　　He believes in Santa Claus.

　　He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.

　　He is Santa Claus!

　　相信圣诞老人的存在。

　　不相信圣诞老人的存在。

　　自己是个圣诞老人!

　　Motivation 动机

　　MY ENGLISH PROFESSOR once launched into a lecture on "motivation." "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."

　　我们英文课的教授有一次在课上讲“动机”。“是什么推动你在人生的路上向前走?”他问道，“是什么让你每天上学来?又是什么驱使你追求成功?”冲着一个女学生，他问：“是什么让你早晨从床上爬起来的呢?”学生答道：“我妈妈。”