Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $

---

1,000. Contains twice the vodka.Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.Halogen Light - A work light that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area youre working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.Cordless Telephone - The handymans 911.Air ***pressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging ***plaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built ***pletely around yourself.