笑侃搞笑英语笑话

　　“I Am Going to Shop”惹出个什么呢，大家一块来见证。

　　A Boy with a Big Head大头娃娃

　　A boy cried to his mother, "All the children make fun of me. They say I have a big head."

　　"Don't listen to them," his mother said, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of patotoes."

　　"Where is the shopping bag?"

　　"I haven't got one-use your hat."

　　一个小男孩向他母亲哭诉道：“他们都取笑我，说我脑袋大。” “别听他们的，”他母亲安慰道，“你有一个很漂亮的脑袋。好啦，别哭了，去商店买十斤土豆来。”

　　“购物袋在哪儿?”

　　“没购物袋了----就用你的帽子吧。”

　　All Right 没关系

　　Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. Uh-oh, I said, realizing my mistake. I just make an illegal turn.I guess it's all right, my daughter replied, The police car behind us did the same thing.

　　我赶着开车将11岁的女儿送到学校去，在红灯处右拐了，而那是不允许的(译注:在一些国家如英国,其交通规则是车辆左行的,与我国相反)。啊噢，意识到犯了错误，我说。我刚才拐弯是违章的。我想那没关系的，女儿回答说：我们后面的警车也同样拐了弯。

　　第一次开出租车

　　A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

　　The driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

　　乘客轻拍了一下出租车司机的肩膀，想问个问题。司机大叫起来，车也失去了控制，几乎撞上一辆公车，还上了便道，在还差几厘米就撞上商店橱窗时终于停了下来。

　　司机说：“伙计，别再这么干了。你把我吓破胆了!”乘客抱歉地说，“我没想到拍你一下就吓成这样。” 司机说：“对不起，也不全是你的.错。今天是我第一天开出租，以前25年里我一直开殡葬车。”

　　我们分享一切

　　An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries.

　　一对老夫妇在汉堡王餐厅吃饭，他们小心翼翼地将汉堡和薯条分成两份。

　　A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.

　　一个卡车司机非常同情他们，就提议想给老太太单独点一份。

　　"It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything."

　　“没关系的。”老先生说，“我们分享一切。”

　　A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite.

　　几分钟后，卡车司机注意到老太太还没动口吃一点东西。

　　"I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists.

　　他再次对老先生说，“我真的不介意请您妻子吃一顿……”

　　"She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything."

　　“她会吃的，”老先生向他保证，“我们分享一切。”

　　Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?"

　　司机不太相信，恳求老太太，“你为什么不吃一点?”

　　The wife snaps, "Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"

　　老太太咂咂嘴，“我在等他的假牙。”

　　I Am Going to Shop 我要去购物啦

　　“Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

　　我帮来购物的女士包好东西后，问道：“是付现金、支票还是记账呢?” 当她找钱包的时候，我注意到她的包包里竟放着一个电视遥控器。

　　“Do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.

　　我问：“你一直都随身带电视遥控器的吗?”

　　“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”

　　她回答说：“不是啦。但我老公不乐意跟我一起来购物，所以我决定拿走他的遥控器来惩罚他。”