非常幽默的英语笑话

　　你看得懂吗,带翻译的你有吗?下面由YJBYS小编给您整理的一定能让很多人笑的英语笑话。

　　• 你踩到我脚了

　　Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven't even touched your tooth yet. Patient: I know. But you are standing on my foot! 牙医：请不要再叫了，我都还没有挨着你的牙齿啊! 病人：但是，亲，你可知道，你踩到我脚了!!!

　　• 慢行

　　Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 汤姆:每当我经过学校的'拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着学校----慢行。

　　• A maintenance man in a cemetery

　　• He is really somebody My uncle has 1000 men under him. He is really somebody. What does he do? A maintenance man in a cemetery.

　　他真是一个大人物，我叔叔下面有1000个人。他真是一个大人物。干什么的?墓地守墓人。

　　• 我还以为那是我的手

　　Absent-minded Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket? Absent-minded Professor: Yes, but I thought it was mine. 教授：天哪!有人偷了我的钱包! 妻子：你难道没感觉到一只手伸进你的口袋? 教授：感觉到了，可我还以为那是我的手呢?

　　• 他死了

　　If you refuse to marry me, he swore, I shall die. She refused him. Sixty years later, he died. 如果你不答应嫁给我，他发誓，我就要去死。六十年后，他死了。

　　• 帮我爸爸做我的家庭作业

　　Jimmy: Hey, Amy, aren't you coming out to play? Amy: No, I have to stay in and help my father with my homework. 基米：嘿，艾米，你不出来玩吗?艾米：不了，我必须留在家里，帮我爸爸做我的家庭作业。

　　• 我不敢想象

　　Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?" Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from." 客人：“为什么你的狗狗坐在那儿老是看着我吃东西呢?”旅馆主人：“我不敢想象，除非是因为你拿了它经常用来吃东西的盘子了。”

　　• 我不能说是哪一年

　　Palmist: The life line in your hand tells that you will die in a year. Customer: Good gracious! In a year? Palmist: Yes, but I can't say in which.手相大师：你手上的生命线显示出你还有一年将会死去。顾客：天哪，一年后?手相大师：是的，可是我不能说是哪一年。

　　• 给我那个打赢的

　　Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then.服务员，这个龙虾只有一只爪。对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。哦，那给我那个打赢的吧。

　　• 在电话本上

　　Boy: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" girl: "It's in the phone book." Boy: "But I don't know your name." girl: "That's in the phone book too." 男：我想给你打电话。你的电话号码是多少?女：在电话本上呢。男：可是我不知道你的名字呀。女：也在电话本上呢。

　　• 粗心的教授

　　The absent-minded professor shouted: "Kate, come to the blackboard!" Another student says, "Kate is absent, Professor." "Silent! Let Kate speak for herself."粗心的教授大声地喊道：“凯特，到黑板前面来!”另外一个学生说：“教授，凯特没来。”“别出声，让凯特自己讲。”

　　• 我可以存多少钱

　　Husband: Before I married you, I never thought of saving money.Wife: And now?Husband: Now I'm thinking About how much I could have saved if I hadn't married you.丈夫：在娶你进门之前，我从来没有想过要存钱。妻子:那现在呢?丈夫：现在我在想，要是没有娶你的话，我可以存多少钱。