绝对笑到你肚子疼的英语笑话

　　导语：你知道学些笑话的好处么?当第一次见面的时候，总是有不知道该说什么的尴尬，这时候你就需要一些笑话，来缓解一下气氛呢，这里小编为你收集整理了绝对笑到你肚子疼的，希望能对你有所帮助哈!

　　1 One day a little white rabbit went to a bakery and asked, "Have you got 100 buns?"

　　一天有只小白兔来到面包店问：“请问你们有100个小面包吗?”

　　The shopkeeper answered, "Sorry, we don't have that many."

　　老板回答：“抱歉我们没有那么多。”

　　"Oh, that's a pity!" said the rabbit and left, disappointed.

　　“哦，太遗憾了。”小白兔失望地离开了。

　　The second day the little white rabbit went to the bakery again and asked, "Have you got 100 buns?"

　　第二天小白兔又来到那个面包店问：“请问你们有100个小面包吗?”

　　The shopkeeper again answered, "Sorry, we don't have that many."

　　老板仍回答：“抱歉我们没有那么多。”

　　"Oh, it's a pity," said the rabbit, and again left, disappointed.

　　“哦，太遗憾了。”小白兔又失望地离开了。

　　The third day the little white rabbit went again to the bakery and asked, "Have you got 100 buns?"

　　第三天小白兔依然来到那家面包店，问：“请问你们有100个小面包吗?”

　　"Oh, yes we have 100 buns today!" the shopkeeper answered gladly.

　　“啊是的，今天我们有100个小面包啦!”老板高兴地回答。

　　"That's great, I'll buy two, thank you!"

　　“那太好啦!我买2个，谢谢!”

　　The shopkeeper stood silently.

　　老板无语了……

　　2 An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.

　　"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.

　　"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.

　　"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

　　"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"

　　With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."

　　以为艺术家在一个画廊办了个展览，他问店主是否有人对他参展的画感兴趣。

　　“我有一个好消息和一个坏消息。”店主回答。

　　“先告诉我好消息。”画家要求道。

　　“好消息是一位绅士询问了你的'作品，还问它是否会在你死后增。我告诉他会的，然后他买下了你所有的15幅画作。”

　　“那太棒了!”画家惊叹。“那么什么会是坏消息呢?”

　　店主想了想之后说：“问那个问题的是你的医生”。

　　3 Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"

　　John: "What do you think it is, sir?"

　　Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"

　　John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"‘

　　老师：“John，动词ring的过去分词是什么?”。

　　约翰：“你想它是什么呢”?

　　老师：“我不用想，我知道!”。

　　约翰：“我想我不知道”。

　　4 One night just before Valentine's Day a woman had a lovely dream about a beautiful necklace.

　　When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it could mean?"

　　"You'll find out on Valentine's Day." he said with a knowing smile.

　　On Valentine's Day, the man gave his delighted wife a beautifully wrapped package.

　　Excitedly, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".

　　情人节前一天，一个女人做了个项链的梦。

　　当她醒来，她和她丈夫说：“我刚梦到你情人节给了我一根珍珠项链。你说那是什么含义呢?”。

　　“到情人节那天你就会知道了。”他笑着说。

　　情人节那天，男人给了他老婆一个礼盒。

　　她很兴奋地打开，看到的却是一本书，书名是《梦的解析》。

　　5 A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

　　有一只小白兔快乐地奔跑在森林中, 在路上它碰到一只正在卷大麻的长颈鹿。小白兔看着长颈鹿说道：“长颈鹿我的朋友，你为什么要做这种事呢?和我一起在森林中奔跑吧，你会感觉心情舒畅很多!”长颈鹿看看小白兔，又看看手里的大麻烟，把大麻烟向身后一扔，跟着小白兔在森林中奔跑。

　　Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his coke, then tosses it and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

　　后来它们遇到一只正准备吸食可卡因的大象，小白兔又对大象说：“大象我的朋友，你为什么要做这种事呢?想想自己的健康啊。跟我们一起在这片美丽的森林中奔跑吧，你会感觉好很多!”大象看看它们，又看看手中的可卡因，于是把可卡因向身后一扔，跟着小白兔和长颈鹿一起奔跑。

　　The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit again says, "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!"

　　后来它们遇到一只正准备注射毒品的狮子，小白兔又对狮子说：“狮子我的朋友，你为什么要做这种事呢?想想自己的健康啊!跟我们一起在这片阳光明媚的森林中奔跑吧，你会感觉如此美好!”

　　The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the rabbit. As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

　　狮子看看小白兔，放下手中的针筒，把小白兔猛揍了一顿。长颈鹿和大象被吓坏了，它们看着狮子问它：“狮子，你为什么要打小白兔呢?它只是想要帮助我们大家啊!”

　　The lion answers, "He makes me run around the forest like an idiot each time he's on ecstasy!"

　　狮子回答：“这家伙每次嗑了摇头丸就拉着我像白痴一样在森林里乱跑!”

　　6 Improvement

　　One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"

　　"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."

　　进步

　　一位学生对另一位说：“你的 英语 最近学的怎么样?”

　　“很好，我过去不懂英国人说话，可现在是英国人不懂我的话了。”