笑破肚皮的英语笑话集锦

　　既能让我们爆笑，也能让我们学到英语知识，何乐而不为呢?今天我们就一起来看看笑破肚皮的英语笑话集锦吧!

　　笑破肚皮的英语笑话集锦(一)

　　没把头发全剪掉啊

　　Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut.

　　麦尔斯有时在上班时间去理发馆理发，

　　But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time.

　　但这是违反办公室规定的：职员只能利用自己的时间理发。

　　While Miles was at the barber's one day,

　　一天，正当麦尔斯理发时，

　　the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.

　　经理碰巧也进来理发，而且就坐在他旁边。

　　"Hello, Miles," the manager said.

　　“你好，麦尔斯，”经理说。"

　　I see that you are having your hair cut in office time."

　　“我看到你在上班时间理发了。”

　　"Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly.

　　“是的，先生。正是这样。”麦尔斯平静地承认了。

　　"You see, sir, it grows in office time."

　　可先生，你看，头发是在上班时间长的。“

　　"Not all of it," said the manager at once.

　　“不全都是吧，”经理立刻说，"

　　Some of it grows in your own time."

　　“有一些是在你自己的时间里长的。”

　　"Yes, sir, that's quite true."

　　“对呀，先生，你说得很对。”

　　Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."

　　麦尔斯礼貌地回答说，“但我并没有把头发全都剪掉啊。”

　　笑破肚皮的英语笑话集锦(二)

　　你和我是候选人

　　The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.

　　As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon.

　　So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation.

　　"All who want to go to heaven, please rise."

　　Everyone got up except the snorer.

　　After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced,

　　"All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."

　　Awaking with a start ， the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpi——

　　"Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on,

　　but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

　　牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。

　　一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，

　　让他不要再在布道时睡觉。

　　于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”

　　所有的人都站了起来——

　　当然，除了那个打瞌睡的'人。

　　在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来!”

　　打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。

　　看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。

　　这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，

　　但看上去只有你和我是候选人。”

　　笑破肚皮的英语笑话集锦(三)

　　耳朵还在我衣兜里

　　Ivan came home with a bloody nose

　　伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。

　　and his mother asked, "What happened?"

　　他妈妈问，“发生了什么事?”

　　"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.“

　　一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

　　"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

　　“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

　　"I'd know him any where," said Ivan.

　　“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。

　　"I have his ear in my pocket."

　　“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”