2015英文笑话大全 爆笑
The Mean Mans Party The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?" 吝啬鬼的聚会 一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢?” “天哪!” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧?” A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?""No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned(醉酒的) ."The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk(行李箱) and a muffled(听不清的) voice said, "Are we over the border yet?" 一个家伙开车的时候警察追了上来。这个家伙要开窗户问警察：“怎么了，警官?” “没事，我观察到了你的安全驾驶技术，很高兴你获得了价值5000美元的安全驾驶奖。祝贺你!你认为你要拿这笔钱去做什么?” 他想了一会说“哦，我觉得，我应该去考驾照”。 坐在副驾驶位的女士说"别在意他说的，他喝醉了酒说胡话呢.“ 后面座位的家伙说”我告诉你，偷来的车我们走不远的。“ 此时，行李箱出现了敲击声并传出一个模糊不清的声音：“我们穿过了边境了吗?” A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman. Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous. Years later, he retires and turns the business over to his son."Dad, “says the son, there’s something I’ve got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?" "Son”, the father replies, I painted the vase." 一个富有的主妇很是骄傲因为她收藏了一件非常有价值的'古董花瓶，于是她决定把卧室粉刷成与花瓶同样的颜色。许多油漆匠都试图尽力与花瓶的颜色匹配，但是没有任何人能做得 让那古怪的女人满意的。 一个油漆匠很自信他能做到，最终他成功了。那个主妇很满意，于是这个油漆匠也变得很出名。 多年以后，油漆匠要退休了，他把自己的生意交给儿子去经营。“爸爸”儿子问“我还有些事情想知道，你怎么能把墙粉刷得和花瓶的颜色那么相配?”“儿子”爸爸回答到“我只不过是把花瓶刷了。”