精选爆笑英语笑话短篇

　　A Gentle Reminder委婉提醒

　　Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"

　　Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?"

　　婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上，我们正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：“亲爱的，你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗?”

　　他放下报纸，眼睛直直地望着我：“因此，你想交换座位吗?”

　　他什么都没听到

　　Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?"

　　"I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!"

　　After apologizing, I got her parcel.

　　"Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages."

　　"What is it?" I asked.

　　"My husband's new hearing aid."

　　我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的`工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗?”

　　“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。

　　在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。

　　“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”

　　“是什么好东西?”我问。

　　“我丈夫的新助听器”。

　　A Woman's answer

　　A husband said to his wife, " Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish?"

　　"Well," his wife answered at once." The reason is very simple. God made us beautiful so men would love us; God made us foolish so we would marry them."

　　一位丈夫对他的妻子说：“为什么上帝把妇女创造得如此美丽却又愚蠢呢?” “噢，”他的妻子立刻回答道，“原因很简单。上帝使我们如此美丽，男人才会爱我们。上帝使我们如此愚蠢，我们才会嫁给他们。”

　　极速恐怖

　　As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"

　　"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

　　一个老人驾车在高速路上疾驰，这时他的车载电话响了。接通后，电话中传出他老婆焦急的声音，“赫尔曼，刚刚新闻说280号公路上有辆车逆行，你要小心啊!”

　　“该死的，”赫尔曼说，“谁说只有一辆啊!简直有上百辆!”