精选爆笑儿童英语笑话11则
1、One day a visitor from the citycame to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farmslooked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw afarmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that thepig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer,"I see that your pig likes apples, but isn't that quite a waste oftime?" The farmer replied," What's time to a pig?"一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"
2、TheLooney BinLate one night at the insane asylum (疯人院)oneinmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Anotherone said, "How do you know?"The first inmate said, "God told me!"Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I didnot!"疯人院一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：“我是拿破仑!”另一个说：“你怎么知道?”第一个人说：“上帝对我说的!”一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来：“我没说!”Notes:(1)Looney (俚语)疯子(2)inmate (n.同住者, 同室者(特指在医院、监狱))(3)insane asylum (疯人院)
3、Boxing andRunningDan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he lefthis friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight."Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone muchbigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box."Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."拳击和赛跑丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的`朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。”朋友：“如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办?”丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”Note：come up against 遇到一个对手 against表示相对的相反的
4、为什么六怕七呢?Q: Why was six scared of seven?A: Because seven "ate" nine.问题：为什么六怕七呢?回答：因为七连九都能吃掉呢!笑点是神马?小沃回答：本应该是seven eight nine, 但是利用了发音相同，将eight用ate(吃)替换掉了，你看懂了么?
5、用“beans(豆子)”造句A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."一名老师让学生们利用单词“beans(豆子)”造句，其中一个女孩说“我爸爸种豆子”。另外一个同学说“我妈妈炒豆子”。第三名学生说“我们是人类”。笑点是神马?小沃回答：是不是看汉语的时候。不知道笑话在讲神马!!这就是中英文的差异了，老师让用的单词是beans(豆子的意思)，结果嘞，第三个学生呢，他将beings 和 beans 搞混了(因为发音相同啦)，正确的写法应该是human beings， 而不是human beans呀!
6、Two Pieces of Cake 两块蛋糕Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!两块蛋糕汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗?妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!
7、Where's the father? 父亲在哪?Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings."Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!""Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!”“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”哥哥想了一会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
8、A Girl's Wish 小女孩的愿望On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。班上最小的女孩说，她希望舞蹈演员可以长得更高一点儿，那么他们就不用整天踮着脚尖了。
9、what do I get 我能得到什么Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.老师：如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半，我能得到几块儿?汤米：四块。老师：那我要是再切两次，我能得到什么呢?汤米：汉堡。10、I Taught the Teacher 我教老师Mother asked her little boy, Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?Nothing, Mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.母亲问她年幼的儿子：宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么?儿子骄傲地说：什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。11、One real man 一个真正的男子汉The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(严格地，严厉地).Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(劝告，建议) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell thesechickenhearted(胆小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.古代有一个国王，他想证明他领土内的男人并非像人们传说的那样，受到老婆的管制。他把王国里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告说，哪个男人胆敢不说实话，就会受到严厉的惩罚。然后，他叫所有听从妻子的命令和意见的男人都走向大厅的左侧。所有的男人都站到了左侧，只有一个小个子男人站到了右侧。国王说：看到我们国家里还有一个真正的男子汉，真是令人高兴。告诉这些胆小的笨蛋，为什么在他们当中只有你一个人站在大厅的右侧。陛下，那人尖声地回答：因为在我出门之前，我老婆告诉我不要扎堆