最新很有意思的英语笑话

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　　1 Teacher: Cassandra, if I saw a man beating a donkey and I stopped him, what virtue would I be demonstrating?

　　Cassandra: Brotherly love?

　　老师：Cassandra，如果我看见有人在殴打一头驴，我制止了他，我显示出了什么美德?

　　Cassabdra：兄弟般的关爱?

　　2 One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."

　　有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很害怕老鼠，所以她冲出屋子，搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿，她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告诉她："放点奶酪在里面，很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。"

　　The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.

　　这位女士带着鼠夹回到家里，但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因为已经很晚了。于是，她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹子。

　　Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!

　　令人称奇的是，这画有奶酪的'图片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，这位女士下楼到厨房时，发现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片

　　3 A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

　　"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says.

　　"What's your secret for a long, happy life?"

　　"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."

　　"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"

　　"Twenty-six."

　　长寿秘诀

　　一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。

　　“我无意中发现，你是多么幸福，”那女士说。“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么?”

　　“我每天抽三包烟，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且从来不曾锻炼。”

　　“哦，真神奇，”女士说。“你高寿?”

　　“二十六。”

　　4 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

　　"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.

　　"That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

　　"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

　　Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot!

　　It's two o'clock in the morning!"

　　一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。

　　“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的?”他的一个朋友问他。

　　“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“

　　这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。

　　“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。

　　突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴!现在是凌晨两点钟了!”

　　5 Mike: My aunt was very embarrassed when she was asked to take off her mask at the party.

　　Mary: Why was that?

　　Mike: She wasn't wearing one.

　　麦克：一次舞会上，当大家要求我姑姑拿掉她的面具时，她非常尴尬。

　　玛丽：为什么会那样呢?

　　麦克：她根本就没有带面具

　　6 There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.

　　One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw an elf by the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up.

　　Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and one lived.

　　Who died and who lived?

　　The perfect woman, because the perfect man and elves aren't real.

　　曾经有一个完美男人和一个完美女人，它们邂逅于一个完美的聚会。完美的约会持续了两年，然后他们举行了完美的婚礼，并度过了完美的蜜月。之后他们有了两个完美的孩子。

　　一天，完美男人和完美女人驾着他们那完美的轿车出行。他们在路边看到一个精灵，由于他们是完美男女，于是他们载了精灵一程。

　　由于完美男人和完美女人载上了精灵，他们不知何故发生了交通意外。其中二死一生。

　　猜猜谁过世了而谁活了下来?

　　当然是完美女人活了下来，因为完美男人和精灵根本就是虚幻的。