Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving? A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth.Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q: How long is the average woman in labor? A: Whatever she says divided by two.Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids? A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for. Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college.Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough.