精选幽默爆笑的英语笑话

　　粗心的理发员

　　Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?

　　Customer: No.

　　Barber: Oh, then I must have cut your throat.

　　理发员：你进来时是不是系着红围巾?

　　顾客：没有呀。

　　理发员：噢，那我肯定弄破了你的喉咙。

　　A maintenance man in a cemetery

　　He is really somebody My uncle has 1000 men under him. He is really somebody. What does he do? A maintenance man in a cemetery.

　　他真是一个大人物，我叔叔下面有1000个人。他真是一个大人物。干什么的?墓地守墓人。

　　你以为你是谁?Who do you think you are?

　　The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.

　　“It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”

　　“I am the driver.” he said.

　　公共汽车上很挤，当又一个人还是试图上车时，乘客们不让他上。

　　“车上太挤了，”他们喊道，“你以为你是谁?”

　　“我是司机!”他说。

　　把脚放进去

　　The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle, and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply.

　　"Yes, Madam?" questioned the pupil, "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"

　　一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被老师发现了。“玛丽!”老师严厉地叫她。

　　“什么事，老师?”这女学生问。“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。”

　　拿破仑病了

　　Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year."He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.""No, no, that's quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!""Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."

　　杰克到一所大学去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格，校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。“他是个好孩子，”杰克的父亲说，“您要是让他这次及格，我相信他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他一定会考好的.。”“不，不，那不可能，”教授马上回答，“你知道吗?上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的，他都不知道。”“先生，请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说，“你不知道，恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸，我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”