英语幽默故事笑话

　　要是有一则笑话解决不了的事，那就两则笑话，看笑话，能让我们变得开心，今天小编为大家准备了英语幽默故事笑话，欢迎阅读!

　　英语幽默故事笑话一：我把他吊起来晾干 I hung him up to dry

　　Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

　　When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.

　　"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."

　　Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."

　　Jim和Mary都是精神病院里的病人。一天，他们沿着医院的游泳池散步，Jim突然跳入泳池的`深水区，他沉到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他，她潜到水底，把Jim拉了上来。

　　当院长听闻了Mary的英勇行为后，他立刻翻看了她的病历档案,把她叫进了自己的办公室.

　　“Mary，我有一个好消息和一个坏消息要告诉你。好消息是你能跳入水中救其他病人，这说明你的意识已经恢复了，你可以出院了。坏消息就是，Jim，你救的那个病人，他还是用自己的浴袍带子在浴室上吊自杀了。”

　　Mary说：“他没有自杀，是我把他吊起来好让他晾干。”

　　英语幽默故事笑话二：我家的聪明狗会买报纸 The Clever Dog

　　A dog owner claimed that his pet, when given money, would go to the news stall to buy a paper. His friend insisted on a demonstration and handed the dog some money - The dog trotted off, but an hour later he had still not returned with the paper.

　　"How much did you give him?" asked the owner.

　　"Five dollars."

　　"Well, that explains it. When you give him five dollars, he goes to a movie."

　　一位养狗人宣称：要是给了爱犬钱，它便会到报亭买份报纸来。他的朋友坚持要来做个演示，并给了狗一些钱。狗一溜小跑着去了。但一个小时过去了，仍不见它带报纸回来。

　　“你给了它多少钱?”狗的主人问。

　　“五元。”

　　“这就是了。你给它五元钱时，它就去看电影。”

　　英语幽默故事笑话三：提早大抢购 Early Big Shopping

　　An offender was brought to trial before a judge. The judge asked him, "What is the crime you have committed?"

　　The offender said, "I went shopping too early during the New Year."

　　The judge said, "This is not a crime! Is there a mistake, perhaps? So how early did you go shopping?"

　　He answered, "The shop was not yet open for business, and I was already inside."

　　有个犯人被带到法官面前审案，法官问他:“你犯了什么罪?”

　　犯人说：“因为我在新年时，太早去采购了。”

　　法官说：“这不是罪呀!可能是弄错吧?那你多早去采购呢?”

　　他说：‘商店还没开门，我就已经进去了。’

　　英语幽默故事笑话四：漂亮的结婚礼物 The Nice Wedding Gift

　　We attended the wedding of an acquaintance's son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher.

　　Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we received a card saying: Thank you very much for the nice wedding gift. We look forward to using it soon.

　　我们参加了一个熟人的儿子的婚礼。由于我们都不认识那个年轻人和他的新娘，所以我们决定送给他们一个实用的全家礼----一个灭火器。

　　很明显，这对新人大批量制作了他们的感谢信，因为我们收到了一张卡片，上面写着：“非常感谢您的漂亮的结婚礼物，我们期待着不久就用到它。”