笑破肚子的英语小笑话

　　导语;YJBYS小编为大家整理了笑破肚子的英语,希望大家能展颜一笑,更多内容尽在应届毕业生网笑话栏目。

　　1 a lie

　　Mom: "Which banana do you want, Victor?"

　　Victor: "I want that one of the greatest."

　　Mom: "Victor, you should be polite, to have that little one."

　　Victor: "Mom, I must lie to be polite?"

　　妈妈：“你要哪一只香蕉，维克多?”

　　维克多：“我要那只最大的。”

　　妈妈：“维克多，你应该懂礼貌，要那只小的。”

　　维克多：“妈妈，难道懂礼貌就必须说谎吗?”

　　2 Who Is the Laziest 谁最懒

　　Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?

　　Tom: I don't know, father.

　　Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?

　　Tom: Our teacher, father.

　　父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒?

　　汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。

　　父亲：啊，不对，你知道!想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课?

　　汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。

　　But the teacher cried 可是老师哭了

　　3 Two Birds 两只鸟

　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

　　Teacher: Please tell us.

　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

　　老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?

　　学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

　　老师：请说说看。

　　学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

　　4 Three Turtles 三只乌龟

　　Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.

　　The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."

　　The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."

　　"We won't," the other two promised.

　　Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."

　　Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."

　　三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的.门口，就下起雨来。于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“回家去取伞吧。”

　　最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”

　　“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。

　　两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”

　　正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”

　　5 Who is Stupid 谁愚蠢

　　A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

　　Little Johnny then stood up.

　　The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

　　"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

　　一个老师在对学生们讲学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。

　　小约翰尼站了起来。

　　“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼?”老师问。

　　“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

　　6 Lost Purse 丢失的钱包

　　A lady lost her handbag. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."

　　The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

　　一个女人丢了手提包，有一个诚实的小孩捡到后交还给了她。她看了看钱包，说：“嗯，这么有趣，我丢的时候里面是一张20美元，现在成了20张一美元。”

　　“没错，夫人。”小男孩立刻回答道，“上次我捡到钱包时，那位夫人没有零钱奖赏给我。”

　　7 I know who god is 我知道上帝是谁了

　　A boy says to her mother, Mom, is God a man or woman?

　　The mom thinks a while and says, Well, son, God is both man and woman.

　　The son is confused, so he asks, Is God black or white?

　　The mother replies, God is both black and white, honey.

　　The son, still curious, says after a while, Is God gay or straight, mommy?

　　The mother, getting a little worried, answers, Son, God is both gay and

　　straight.

　　The son thinks about it, and his face lights up when he thinks he finally has answered his question: Is God Michael Jackson?

　　儿子：妈妈，上帝是白人还是黑人?

　　妈妈：宝贝，上帝是白人也是黑人!

　　儿子：那上帝是男人还是女人?

　　妈妈：宝贝，上帝是男人也是女人!

　　儿子：哦。我知道了，上帝是迈克尔•杰克逊!

　　8 His Fault 他的错

　　Billy: Mother, Bobby broke a window.

　　Mother: How did he do it?

　　Billy: I threw a rock at him and he ducked.

　　比利：妈妈，波比打坏了窗玻璃。

　　妈妈：他怎么打的?

　　比利：我向他扔石头，他躲开了。